Three Chocolate Brownies

When I Haven't Been Blogging: New Year's Edition

2012-01-15T11:08:00.006-05:00

Some of the best things in life are the unexpected things. Case in point ~ this heavy, wet, beautiful Surprise Snow that fell on January 9, 2012

Two weeks into 2012 and I am already convinced this could be the best year. Ever.

Over the course of the past couple of years, I think I had convinced myself that I had invested in a life that now refused a decent return. But the benefits of being faithful and patient were always going to pay off. All I had to do was believe. Keep moving forward. Keep God first in my life. My Season of Sorrow is passing and the time to fulfill my destiny is here.

When I Haven't Been Blogging in 2012, here's what I've been up to:

Washing Clothes. My machine spun its last cycle a few weeks before Christmas. The hair roller and Play-Doh trick clearly not a lasting fix. It went out with a bang. Well, actually more like a zap. I got shocked. So now 2-3 times a week, I schlep over to the laundromat to do a few loads. I have discovered that the 22 minutes it takes the entire wash cycle is just the time I need to do nothing but pray, reflect, meditate, and relax.

Moving. Sometimes we have to take what can be perceived as a step backward to actually step forward. But packing and moving without benefit of the military has been - how should I say this...? "Eyeopening". They say if you want to know who your true friends are, announce either you are moving or need a ride to the airport.

Studying. For the multifaceted "Praxis" pre-professional test. When I pass it, it will take me one step closer to being a certified teacher. The Reading and Writing sections are second nature to me. However, the Math continues to kick my butt.

Reading. Vernice Armour ~ the first African American woman to fly combat missions in the U.S. Marines ~ wrote a book. Zero to Breakthrough is an awesome guide to living life to the fullest. Just the kick in the pants I need to stop making excuses, tap into my God-given talents, and re-ignite my passions.

Blushing. Absolutely no knee-jerk relationship status changes, but it is nice to feel like a girl again.

Counting on the Little Things

2011-12-30T11:12:00.003-05:00

As 2012 draws near, I would like to take the time to remind everyone to make the little things count in the new year.

...Angus is "little" And he's "counting"...get it? *tap, tap* Is this thing on?

Happy New Year!

Gifts that Keep on Giving

2011-12-23T09:13:00.002-05:00

Ah. Christmas Eve Eve.

I should be freaking out that my Christmas cards were never manufactured this year. I should be freaking out that the fragrant aroma of the Douglas fir is emanating from a Glade candle. According to Martha Stewart, there is a whole list of things I should be freaking out about.

But I'm not.

This will be the first Christmas of my "New Normal". Circumstances have given me the opportunity to see the absolute meaning of Christmas clearly. This year wasn't about the Perfect Picture for the photo cards. It hasn't been about scoring the most popular toys or video games. For me, it's been about being grateful for what I have despite the challenges. In the midst of my New Normal, my blessings are sure and abundant. Jesus Christ's grace and mercy are the best gifts of all.

Sure makes macing someone over an X-Box or pair of Jordan's seem trivial. Well, those things are, actually.

To Kung Fu: Thanks for the Laughs, Love Julie Newmar

2011-12-18T11:59:00.004-05:00

When "Kung Fu Panda 2" meets my little panda...

A Monster Hit!

2011-12-11T10:05:00.005-05:00

Her face says it all.

Mariah was delighted with her extra special Birthday Cake this weekend. Icing Smiles, Inc., commissioned the Baltimore bakery, Cakes 2 A-T to create my Godzilla lover's ultimate treat.

Happy Birthday, Mariah. You totally deserved an Icing Smile this year and thank you Cakes 2 A-T for delivering it!

"Cakes 2 A-T", Fits 2 A-T

2011-12-03T12:12:00.003-05:00

The local bakery graciously accepting the challenge from Icing Smiles,Inc., to design a dream cake for my dream middle child is none other than Cakes 2 A-T of Baltimore!

Icing Smiles, Inc., is a non-profit organization that coordinates with bakeries to provide Special Needs Families with Special Custom Cakes. (My friend's son is the little boy marveling at his fire-breathing dragon cake on the Icing Smiles homepage).

You can see Cakes 2 A-T's amazing work here. They have presented masterpieces to celebrities, children, weddings, showers - there seems to be no limit to their creativity.

We'll see their vision for Mariah's surprise "Godzilla" cake come to fruition next week. If their previous work is any indication, we should all be prepared: Run for your lives! It's GODZILLA!!!

I Understand

2011-11-29T20:37:00.003-05:00

This song has been ministering to my heart ~ its words getting down into my spirit. Restoring my soul.

Status Quo

2011-11-22T18:11:00.005-05:00

Sharon went from being "married" to "none of your #$%@ business".

Facebook ~ that virtual place where people find it necessary to change their relationship status as often as they change their underwear. Before the smoke clears after a falling out with their Significant Other, they are "single". After only two dates they declare they are "in a relationship". In an effort to buck this trend, I have hereby decided to keep my relationship status under wraps. So no knee-jerk relationship updates.

As much as I rolled my eyes during the interview, I admire how coy, private, and protective Beyonce was about her relationship and subsequent marriage to Jay-Z. I'm not a bootilicious, International Super Star, but she taught me a thing or two about discretion (well - up until she felt up her Baby Bump on stage at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards). Rest assured: if I do meet a Mogul who steals my heart, you will hear it here first.

One Facebook friend said it best:

I'm not single and I'm not taken.
I'm simply on reserve for the person who deserves me.

Fall-n-Heroes

2011-11-10T09:42:00.005-05:00

Maddening Mobility

2011-11-05T18:46:00.006-04:00

Friends and family rejoiced when I announced that - at 5 years-old - Isaiah was a walker. One comment that stuck with me was, "Get your running shoes on now, Mama!" Little did I know not only would I need a pair of running shoes, but also nerves of steel, strength of a body builder, plus the agility and reflexes of a cat.

My son is small for his age, but is - like many kids with cerebral palsy - freakishly strong. I found just how strong when he rocketed me off of his feet the other day, a la Barnum and Bailey Circus. As a certified walker, he's not very sure-footed at times. And quite often he doesn't look where he is going. But I appreciate the fact Isaiah has strength and some control over his muscles. He is able to walk with a purpose. He can evade with a purpose, too.

Savannah doesn't typically allow him in her room. The other day, she forgot and left her door open. Little Brother made his way in. I stood in the doorway for a good 30 seconds while Isaiah outmaneuvered all of Savannah's attempts to wrangle him. He went left, he went right, he twirled circles, staying just out of her grasp. When it finally looked like her victory was at hand (she had hooked both of her arms under his), enter The Boneless Chicken. Isaiah went utterly and totally limp - collapsing into a lumpy pile on Savannah's floor. Poor girl looked so frustrated. And that lil' stinker looked so pleased with himself. I laughed until it hurt.

Talk about a mixed blessing. Zay is mobile, but non-verbal. So if we are leaving therapy and he decides he wants to stay longer, he can't say, "Hey Mommy, can I play in the waiting area for a few more minutes?" I get a healthy helping of Boneless Chicken. One of 2 things follow: (a) coaxing him to get up with a bribe from my purse or (b) grabbing him up and carrying him out in my arms. I could always wait until he's ready to get up, but life doesn't always run on Isaiah's Time. For that reason, I keep his stroller in the van at all times

I appreciate that Isaiah expresses himself. The way he communicates. I will continue to modify and adapt The World depending on the situation. He has taught me the value of patience and perspective.

And the value of a good circus act.

You Must Be This Tall to Ride

2011-11-03T20:53:00.002-04:00

To say I've been riding The Emotional Roller Coaster lately would be an understatement. The highs and lows, dizzying at times. Unexpected twists and turns abound - taking my breath away. Plunged into sudden darkness only to be rocketed back into daylight.

Through it all, one thing is clear: I am still moving forward. Not always confident what's around the next bend, but strapped in, prayed up, and holding on tight for the ride.

Icing on the Cake

2011-10-20T10:25:00.003-04:00

Sneaking frosting before it was time to blow out the candles was my typical birthday M.O. There's a picture of pinholes in the top of my 4th birthday cake (white with pink roses). Somehow I thought sticking one of my grandmother's sewing pins into the frosting and licking it off was a clever and clandestine method to sample the sweetness. The risk of getting my tongue punctured obviously outweighed by temptation.

When the time came, I poured myself into birthday planning for my own kids. Care and consideration going into every detail - the literal centerpiece being The Cake. But as the kids grew, so did the physical and emotional demands of Special Needs Parenting. Out of necessity and practicality, celebrations became simpler.

But in the coming year, I won't have to worry about The Cake. Icing Smiles, Inc. makes cake wishes come true for Special/Medical Needs children and their families. The bakers are local and turn out amazing custom creations for their most precious clients and their siblings. I was blown away by some of their incredible cakes - including a dragon birthday cake done for my friend's son that actually breathed FIRE. And they donate their time. The cakes are free.

Icing Smiles, Inc. has graciously accepted the challenge to wow my kids on their next birthdays, which means Mariah will be receiving her Dream Cake just a couple of months! And she has NO idea. Hopefully our baker can incorporate Mariah's Godzilla obsession in there somehow. I've got some ideas and I'm already dreaming up the themes for Isaiah's and Savannah's fantasy confections.

All birthdays are special. I am grateful there are people out their who understand the significance of what so many people take for granted - that their children will have a next birthday. The stress and sacrifice of their siblings. And want to make their dreams come true.

My personal Dream Cake? Haven't given it much thought. But based on my history, a giant Pin Cushion would seem appropriate.

Making it Work

2011-10-18T19:23:00.008-04:00

I don't know how single Special Needs parents do it!

I don't know how Special Needs parents who work outside of the home do it!

~ posted by two Facebook Friends last week

I just finished cleaning up an epic toxic accident. Putting Isaiah on the potty and leaving him while I checked on dinner didn't turn out as stress-free as I had hoped. Because when he was ready to get up, he got up. Just because he was ready to get up didn't necessarily mean he was finished. So I spent a good part of my evening scrubbing tiles. Walls. Zaiah.

So when people ask me if I "work", excuse me if I scoff. I know what they want to know. If I am gainfully employed outside of the home. But I still like to make them squirm. "Work, you say? Where do I begin..."

Dinner still had to be completed and served. The laundry refused to transfer itself from the the washer to the dryer. Dishes had to be washed. Homework had to be accounted for. Of course, the Girls have responsibilities which makes me grateful that they are older now.

Especially now that I am considering a career outside of the home. My life is moving into a New Season. As God opens doors, I know the strength, faith, and courage He has been cultivating in me all along is coming to fruition.

How do single parents of Special Needs kids work outside of the house?

I have no idea. But if it is the Lord's plan for my life - I'll soon find out.

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

2011-10-01T13:15:00.004-04:00

Quiet Saturdays are our new "in thing". Nothing on The Calendar. No obligations. No showers necessary. All I ask is that the kids brush their teeth.

What matters is that my kids and I are spending quality time together. Our weekdays are filled. The three of them attending three different schools on three different schedules. Mix in Zay's various therapies, girls' homework, doctors' appointments, counseling sessions, etc...it's easy to see why we become Pajama-Clad Waffle Eaters a couple of Saturdays a month.

The kids have been back in school for well over a month now. Pulling Savannah out of public school last year is proving to be the best thing we could have done. Thank God for my mother. We weren't sure how Savannah would do with a full-day schedule. It would include Lunchtime. Which would mean crowds, noise, and eating in front of other people. With her Asperger's, that creates a nightmare trifecta. The day she hopped in the van and announced she had talked during lunch was the day my doubts melted away. She recently brought home her Progress Report - all "Excellent". The staff is so nurturing. And she is thriving.

Isaiah continues to push the boundaries of how much one can love a little boy. To hear people in our circle express their affection for him is beyond heart-warming. It's affirming. Makes me feel like I am not alone in caring for him. Few are immune to his big, toothy smile and loving disposition. The stubborn boy who, when faced with a task he'd rather not perform, will go completely and utterly boneless. As frustrating as it is (an act we've dubbed The Boneless Chicken), it is a testament to the will of a boy who has no words, but more than enough charm, wit, and personality to control the parts of His World he discovered he can. His communication for the past 6 months has been remarkable. He is making choices. He can express his discontent. He can bring me a banana for me to peel for him. And one day I was standing at the bathroom sink the and he teetered up behind me with a 6-pack of applesauce he wanted opened. When he wants a bath (one of FAVORITE things), he pushes me into the bathroom and shoves me to the side of the tub. He's taller and stronger, but more tolerant of new things. We found out from his teacher at Open House last week that he is staying in his chair and participates (read: cooperates) with the lesson.

Also wowing me this year? Mariah. She started a new school and is happier than she has been in almost two years. She is making good grades and new friends. She has expressed an interest in joining Chorus at school. I had no idea she could sing. That was until I heard her in her room one day singing along to a Godzilla video. Not only was she sweetly in tune, but she was singing IN JAPANESE. How did I get so preoccupied with the Special Needs Duo that I missed that The Typical One could sing ~ in a foreign language, no doubt?!

So I dedicate this Quiet Saturday to my Middle Child with a Heart of Gold.

Dōmo arigatō, Miss Roboto

Spreading my Wings

2011-09-21T09:44:00.003-04:00

I captured this picture earlier this week near Arlington National Cemetery.

"Just when the caterpillar thought her world was ending, she became a butterfly."

Pray Day

2011-09-11T10:01:00.004-04:00

I wasn't living in the United States on September 11, 2001. J was stationed overseas and we were all enjoying the first of what would be two, 3-year assignments in Germany.

But I was fewer than 13 miles away from the Pentagon on that crisp, bright, not-quite-autumn morning.

At the end of August 2001, the girls and I had flown into Maryland. The plan was to stay with my mom through the beginning of October so I could attend the wedding of a good friend. Little did I know it would be closer to Thanksgiving before I would ever make it back to Europe.

On That Morning, I had awakened before the girls. My mother and brother had already left for work and I took advantage of the quiet to catch up on my e-mails. The phone rang. It was my grandmother. She asked if I had the TV on, which I didn't. As I was fumbling around to find the remote, I thought I heard her say "They blew up the World Trade Center." - which made no sense to me. But right there on Channel 7 was the unbelievable. Both towers billowing smoke. Holding the phone and unable to speak, I stayed on the phone until the South Tower collapsed. Then I sank to my knees and began to weep. The last word I heard my Grandmother say before we hung up: "Pray."

A lot can happen in 10 years. I have moved back to The States ~ twice. Lost several Loved Ones (including my beloved Grandnannie). Had a son. Run the course of my marriage. Started over. And still I pray.

Because I remember That Day. When we all stood as one. United in fear. In shock. In awe. When all we could do was pray.

Remembering the heroes and victims of September 11, 2001 and their families. Remembering the service members who gave the Ultimate Sacrifice and their families. Remembering those who continue to serve and the families who continue to sacrifice.

Hand Wash Only

2011-09-07T19:10:00.002-04:00

They say things happen in threes. Apparently, I am well on my way.

The a/c fan in my van quit last week. Mercifully, the worst of the summer heat seems to be over. This week, the latch on my washing machine busted. It fills with no problem, but won't agitate or drain without assistance. I have to stick my hand up under the lid and connect the circuit. So safe around sloshing water. Not to mention I almost lost a finger in the Spin Cycle.

Channeling my inner "Mama"-Gyver, I was able to manufacture a temporary fix with a Tide bottle cap. Then it was time to break out the big guns - Play-Doh and a sponge hair roller. There was no way I was going to let that machine beat me. Although, I felt like I was doing all the work. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the term "wash by hand".

Guess I'd be an awful pioneer, too.

Face. Time.

2011-09-05T21:36:00.003-04:00

Savannah

This is the face that welcomed me into The Motherhood 14 years ago. A face that has been inspiring me ever since. I thank God for blessing me with such an inspirational soul. I love you, Birthday Girl.

Queue the Locust

2011-09-01T09:10:00.004-04:00

If they sold "I Survived Acts of God Week" T-shirts, I'd probably buy one. No sooner had Mechagodzilla stopped bobbling from the Earthquake - it was time to batten down the hatches for Hurricane Irene. We lost power overnight, but the kids and I channeled our inner pioneers and stuck it out (but Mariah would have been an awful pioneer). The basement didn't flood, thank God, and we only lost a few tree limbs and branches.

My mom maintained power throughout, so we were able to go over and juice up the electronics. There is just something about being back home with your Mama that brings a sense of security like none other - no matter how old you are. Just ask the kids how much I seemed to enjoy my 2-hour nap. Ooh and the home cooked meal. Almost makes me wish for an Act of God every week.

Quaking in my Espadrilles

2011-08-24T11:07:00.005-04:00

By most accounts, the Great East Coast Quake of 2011 wasn't a source of widespread devastation. It was considered a moderate and nearly unprecedented quake for this area according to the experts and a huge inconvenience for the locals. This is pretty much the extent of our damage.

Mechagodzilla is obviously more awesome than Regular Godzilla. But it wasn't all bad. I'm totally convinced the quake cured my garbage disposal. After a week of malfunctioning, it mysteriously began to work again after the quake.

A lot of the damage was emotional. I was sitting by a set of second-story windows waiting for Isaiah's therapy session to conclude. When the shaking started, I thought it was a central a/c unit about to blow. But the shaking grew more intense and the rumbling grew louder. I looked out of the window expecting to see a truck, a train, a plane...something. But nothing. It was a gorgeous, sunny day.

I rode out the quake petrified. Wanting to run, but not being able to move. In a flash,I thought about death. The office building was shaking and swaying in such an unfamiliar way that I knew it couldn't be anything good. I did not want to die - maybe it was the shock - but there was a peace surrounding me. I just wanted my kids to be OK.

No cell phone calls could go out immediately afterward, but I found out from my sister in Arizona via Facebook that my mom and Savannah were shaken, but fine. And my mom is apparently in the wrong professional. She should have pursued a career in body guarding. Or in the NFL. She didn't realize what was happening, but she knew she had to protect her granddaughter. So naturally, she tackled her. Mariah had been evacuated from her school and came home upset and concerned about possible aftershocks. We are still a bit unsettled over yesterday's events, so I was relieved they cancelled school today.

The earthquake gave me a crash course and what I know for sure is:

Earthquakes can fix things around the house

I am not truly afraid to die

My mother has a future with the Washington Redskins

Brownies Nation

2011-08-19T15:23:00.004-04:00

Yes. Yes they do.

*Special shout-out to Jen in Cali for spotting this!

Leggo my Eggo. Seriously.

2011-08-16T13:43:00.005-04:00

When people hear the term "comfort food", they automatically think potatoes, mac & cheese...typical carbs. Somehow, around the 24-pack-a-week mark, frozen waffles went from lovely, occasional breakfast fare to my drug of choice.

What can I say? They are perfect. Warm, light, and toasty. Crispy and tender all at once. Their sole purpose is to bring me happiness. Oh ~ and poundage. My clothes have been shrinking ever since I arrived at Waffletopia. But that's OK. The view from Celeryville is overrated anyway.

Be Cuz of Faith

2011-08-14T19:44:00.009-04:00

Here I am on First Cousins' Weekend with my cousin, Michele ~ Master of Library Science. Thanks to her amazing accomplishments, she and her family have taken a huge leap of faith. Uprooting their lives and relocating, we are now not only emotionally close, but physically as well. God is good.

The Tortoise in My Hair

2011-08-13T15:39:00.004-04:00

One unnerving thing about living in a metropolitan area is the nonstop pace. Everyone is always on the go and quickly. Not exactly ideal conditions for a turtle attempting to cross a street.

But last Wednesday was one turtle's Lucky Day. That was the day that I happened to be driving down said street and noticed what I initially thought was a dead leaf resting between the bright orange parallel lines.

I've seen squashed turtles before. There was a big one at the end of my driveway just last month. I couldn't do anything to save him, but I was sure I could do something for that brown leaf that - upon further investigation - turned out to be a strong-willed (if not GPS-challenged) baby Diamondback Terrapin.

Instead of relocating him right away, we decided to take him home. We created a makeshift terrarium and an acceptable Baby Turtle diet. After his initial reluctance to eat (chalk it up to shell shock - sorry!), I was as delighted as a first time mom to see his Turtle Turds in the box the next morning. And by then he even had a name: "Crush". Partial Disney character; partial his lack of being so.

He has since been adopted by my brother and his family and renamed "Horatio", which is, quite honestly, easier to remember and much more suitable to that innocent, wise-looking face of his. My nieces are excited about their newest addition (joining his Beta sibling). I'm just excited I'm not any closer to ending up on an Animal Planet hoarding special.

Too Blessed to be Distressed

2011-08-07T16:26:00.007-04:00

There's a scene in the original "Shrek" movie after he frees Princess Fiona and they are confronted in the forest by the king's henchmen. But instead of getting kidnapped, Fiona proceeds to kick their butts - as Shrek and Donkey look on in amazement.

I can appreciate that scene. Too often females are portrayed as helpless, weak, and poor decision makers (who runs from a killer in high heels?!)

There have been times in my life when I have wanted to be delivered from an unpleasant or even dangerous situation. Sometimes I want a Hero. But more often than not - I want to find my own way out. To see if I have the level head and courage to make good decisions. Even if it's the decision that I am in over my head. Like last weekend when my van battery died while on an outing with the kids.

When I realized I had drained the battery, I sat. Sat and thought. That's all I could do. J was out of town. And I really didn't want to feel like he had to save me, anyway. Then I remembered my Auto Membership. They could get me jump-started in no time. It wasn't like I was admitting I was in distress. Just ill-equipped to handle that particular situation. Make no mistake: I didn't need to be "rescued".

It was just by sheer coincidence that the company they sent out had the logo "Rescue Auto" blazoned across the back window. Oh well. Whatever makes them feel good about themselves.

I've decided to invest in one of those portable battery chargers. Who knows, I just might end up someone else's unexpected, but very welcomed Knight-in-Shining-Armour.

Waiting for Boaz

2011-08-05T09:09:00.000-04:00

For all you single ladies who are in such a hurry to find someone, here's a quick piece of biblical advice: Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for ANY of his relatives: Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheatin-az, Dumb-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothin-az, Lazy-az or Married-az...and especially his 3rd Cousin Beatinyo-az!

-Bill Johnson

Ohana

2011-08-04T10:30:00.005-04:00

#17

My maternal grandmother had 26 grandchildren. Almost all were able to gather this past weekend for our first ever "First Cousins" reunion. It was 3 days of activities designed to reconnect, reminisce, and most importantly - eat. It was the first time most of us had been together since Grannannie passed away a little over 2 years ago. We took the time to introduce our families and welcome my new sister-in-law. Thanks to our living overseas off-and-on for years, some hadn't seen my girls since they were babies. Most hadn't even met Isaiah.

But the love and laughter that enveloped us practically made up for lost time. They expressed more than just their love for the kids and me. They showed their support. Reassured me and rallied around me like a "Love Intervention". They reminded me of my special place not just in our Family, but in our World.

The love and laughter live on

Christmas in July

2011-07-24T21:46:00.002-04:00

Well, not really. But a dose of winter weather would be welcome surprise right about now. We are in the middle of an oppressive heatwave that has kept the kids and me holed up daily until the sun goes down.

This picture was taken in early Spring of this year ~ when all I wished for was warmer temperatures.

All together now: be careful what you wish for.

Dirty Dancing

2011-07-20T22:33:00.008-04:00

Now I had the time of my life.
And I never felt this way before.

This past Monday night, I boogied completely out of my comfort zone. Ladies' Night Out was ON and it promised to be a night to remember. My friend, Amy, suggested we all take her friend's new Pole Fitness class. Apparently, chair and pole dancing are going mainstream. They are considered a workout...as in exercise - something I am typically allergic to. But there was just something enticing about it. Like The Lambada. So that evening, seven sassy Mamas piled into two vehicles and we headed over to the studio. And you know what?

These Mamas got skillz.

I embraced my inner "Lola" (that's her smack dab in the middle wearing black) and actually broke a sweat. Beth and Carrie from Polar Fitness were excellent instructors. So patient and encouraging - I almost forgave them for their ridiculously incredible physiques. After two hours of getting our shake, shimmy, and spins on, the Sassy Seven emerged a lot more confident and a little bit sore. We loaded back up and headed out for a nightcap at Sonic. Could this night have gotten any better?

Turns out, sitting around eating greasy onion rings and sipping a Cherry Limeade (with extra cherry flavor!) in the company of great women does make things better. Sharing our faith, our trials, triumphs - stories of healing and restoration was a source of comfort for me (one mom's blended family of 10 was especially interesting to me). Sometimes I worry about losing my married friends after my divorce. I have been coupled for 19 years - married for 16 of those. I've never been single my entire adult life. Now, my relationships are going to be different. My lifestyle is going to be different.

Along with *ahem* exercise, I'm making better choices health-wise. Like drinking more water. Which is a big deal for me because if I had the choice of milk, water, or orange juice with my dinner, my preference - in this particular order - would be (1) orange juice (2) milk (with Hershey syrup added) (3) make a pitcher of Kool-Aid (4) run down to CVS for a ginger ale (5) call Mom and see if I can swing by her house for some cranberry juice (6) choke down the water. But "Fiji" water has changed the game. I could afford a trip to Fiji for the amount of money I spend on this brand, but the taste canNOT be beat.

And I am not just flossing after I eat pork chops. I'm flossing twice a day. Sometimes more (especially if I eat pork chops). Now I don't have to fib to the dental hygienist. My doctors are happy that I am eating. Been craving fresh fruits and vegetables, too. I need to gain - get up to a healthier weight. But they haven't explained to me how to get those pounds where I want them. If it involves a chair or a pole, though, count me in.

We Fall Down, But We Get Up

2011-07-17T09:55:00.003-04:00

Separation. Anxiety.

2011-07-10T17:42:00.006-04:00

By sharing My Story, I pray someone is inspired, touched, encouraged, comforted, filled with hope, and truly blessed. This isn't about "putting my business in the street" ~ it's about knowing you are not alone.

I walked into the office with an agenda. Little did I know just showing up for that appointment would save my life.

Savannah and I were meeting with her new pediatric therapist - the therapist who eventually referred Savannah to "The Team" for a full evaluation which led to her Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis. As the questions for Savannah wrapped up and the therapist's attention turned to me, I could feel dread slowly creeping up on me. As she lobbed all the obvious questions at me, I knew it would only be a matter of time before she'd hit on that one that would strike a nerve. And sure enough, it happened.

She excused Savannah to the waiting area and shut the door behind her. She handed me a box of Kleenex: Before we can deal with what's going on with Savannah, we need to deal with you. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

That's when I let go. The Super Mom facade shattered. Before I could stop myself, I had let a stranger into my dark place of emotions - opening up about my crumbling marriage, the constant and total care of Isaiah, and Savannah's recent school and social issues. The trifecta that had pushed me to the edge. "You are overwhelmed. You are depressed. You need help.", she confirmed. I wanted to kiss her. Finally - validation. I am NOT crazy OR losing my mind. God had sent me an angel. He doesn't always boom answers into our ear. Sometimes He puts people in our path just when we need them most.

Thus began my coping. When dealing with depression and anxiety, research has shown that the best results are obtained through therapy plus medication. It's been a winning recipe for me, with a healthy and reverent dose of faith and prayer. I am healing. I am happier than ever leading the life God wants for me. It is an upward spiral through the depression, with every day a little better than the one before. Not that there haven't been setbacks. But I take comfort in knowing "this too shall pass". I am not alone. I thank God for my Support System, that seems ever-expanding. I am focusing on me. The gifts God has given me. The next chapter of my life.

There's hope. As long as there is breath in your body, you have hope. Things might not turn out exactly as you might expect them - very often they turn out better than you could ever imagine.

Believe.

Cause if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Why I Kan't Kindle

2011-07-08T18:35:00.002-04:00

I like books. Actual books. Nothing against e-readers, but there's just something about the weight of a book in my hands. Turning its paper pages.

Growing up in a home that valued reading, books weren't just decorations or props - like something in an Olan Mills photo studio circa 1976. Our very real bookshelves were bursting and we were always encouraged to "Go and sit down somewhere with a book".

I guess I'll be urging my children to "Go and sit down somewhere with a Nook".

"Ni Hao Dee-Jay"

2011-06-25T10:56:00.002-04:00

Meet "DJ", the Chinese Dwarf Hamster and newest member of our menagerie.

Mariah fell in love at the pet store during a run on bedding and vitamin C drops for Angus. In many ways a hamster, especially an itty-bitty one, is a much easier pet than a guinea pig (except at night, as we would all soon discover...) After much discussion during a celebratory End-of-the-School-Year family dinner and promises that she would be the primary and responsible caregiver - we welcomed DJ into our family. And his 3-story townhouse.

We introduced DJ to Angus without much fanfare. They sniffed and twitched, but there would be no epic faceoff or smackdown. I think Angus was more impressed with Mariah's toy Zhu-Zhu Pet. Savannah has assumed care for Angus. And I mean she really cares for him. She feeds him by hand through through the cage bars and gives him daily attention and interaction. She shops for his treats and the other day she actually asked me if she could touch him. That is HUGE for my Asperger's child. She even trained him to stand on his hind legs. (America HAS got talent!)

We just have to help Isaiah discern the difference between DJ's exercise ball and his other toys. This, after Isaiah's hearty kick of DJ's exercise ball across the room while DJ was in it. Gooooooooooooooooooal! It's probably best to schedule the hamster's workouts after Zay's bedtime.

There is no need for an animal hoarding intervention for me at this point. But if I ever Blog from my backyard that the animals have staged a coup and won't let me back in the house, again, you will know - It. Is. Time.

Hair Raising Hosta

2011-06-17T21:44:00.005-04:00

Last spring when I planted Patriotic Hosta in my front yard, I had no idea it was like catnip to deer. Imagine the look on my face the morning I expected it to be in full bloom only to discover it had been half chewed.

All summer, into fall, and covered in snow and ice through the winter - there it stayed. Forlorn and forgotten. I knew nothing of the species and had not idea if or when it would ever recover. And yet a few months ago - despite the mind-blowing, freakish heat and lack of rain - green leaves appeared again. I didn't hold my breath, but then the flower stems with lavender-colored buds began reaching towards the sky.

Now, this is the part of the story when the deer ruined it last year. Setting booby traps seemed a bit over the top, so I plucked some hair out of the girls' hair brush and sprinkled it around the flower bed.

It must have worked. Because almost overnight, this happened:

7th Wonder

2011-06-13T21:50:00.005-04:00

Isaiah turned 7 today. Seven. And what a wonder he is.

When I Haven't Been Blogging...

2011-06-07T08:56:00.005-04:00

...I've been playing with my kids. Not just "Uno" or Star Wars "Guess Who" - we're talking kickball. Volleyball. Sometimes in the same game.(In hindsight, the spontaneous match in heels after church Sunday against Mariah wasn't my brightest idea. But there's an app for that ~ called Tylenol). Even though two-thirds of the Brownies are still in school for another couple of weeks, we've gotten a jump start on Summer Goodness: basking in the warmth of the sunshine and the glow of fireflies.

I've picked up my camera and started taking pictures again. I never really stopped, but one day I realized just how much time had elapsed since I had even held the my camera. Photography brings me so much joy.

So do reading and writing. I've been a "reader" since I received my first Golden Look-Look Book. But I've recently rediscovered my first true love - with a vengeance. Currently on my nightstand: The Help, House Rules, and The Shack. I've already devoured Little Bee , but I keep it there. Well worth a re-read.

When I am able to tear myself away from the Best Sellers, I've been gardening and redecorating my house. I bought an indoor palm tree because it reminds me of my trips to Southern California and Gerber Daisies because they are so gosh darn cheerful. I'm vowing to keep the deer off of my hosta this year. It has finally rebounded from it's unauthorized "pruning" last spring.

And with the time I have left over, I've been learning how to be a joyful, appreciative, balanced, non-bitter Single Mom. It's not as easy as many parents I admire make it look. I salute you. It is absolutely not the same as being the Homefront Parent during times of deployments and other assignments that separate families - even though they helped pave the way. No, this is different. Not that all change is bad - I believe in God's promises - but it IS an adjustment.

Through it all, I continue to count my blessings. Every day brings me perspective and God's comfort. And that is definitely Blog-worthy.

14-Day Guarantee

2011-05-28T12:29:00.004-04:00

Angus came with a 14-day "guarantee". PetSmart promised to treat him for any illness or disease and replace him if necessary if the unthinkable occurred during the 14 days following purchase.

Today is Day 14. I am relieved to report that Angus is alive, perky, and still a male. The kids are great with him - especially Savannah. Although she still refuses to touch him, she will make sure he has fresh food every morning. She also gives me behavior reports and nap updates. She cuts up kiwi for him and picks the greenest greens for him to nibble. We let him out of the cage every evening to run around in a sectioned off (courtesy of Zay's baby gate) part of the house. He wheets and "popcorns" like a parolee. Mariah supervises his recess and as a result, Angus has grown very fond of her as well. I am surprised at how the little guy has blended in so well with us. But I have to admit, Furry Pet Ownership has been an adjustment...

Recently overheard at my house:

Has anyone seen the hay?

Has anyone seen ANGUS?

But he doesn't want to wear the leash!

Guinea Pig on the loose!

Are those pellets under your bed?

I have never shopped the pet aisle at Target. I have never compared the nutritious properties of different hay. I have never debated the benefits of recycled paper bedding material over wood chips. Shockingly, I enjoy "Guinea Pig Today" as much ~ if not more than ~ "Glamour".

I have also learned:

A red-eyed guinea pig - when the light hits just right - can look possessed.

Isaiah loves Angus, but is also used to being Mommy's only "Mama's Boy"

Just holding Angus can lower my blood pressure

Angus' eyes aren't nearly as creepy with the flash turned OFF

A slumbering Guinea Pig is one of the cutest sights on Earth. Trying to get an actual picture of it is almost impossible. I guess if I my sole purpose for existing was as food for other creatures - I'd be a light sleeper too.

Stepping Up to the Challenge

2011-05-27T09:00:00.004-04:00

My very special Olympian brought home The Gold at his school's annual Challenge Day. This year they saluted our military. Invited service members escorted the classes in the parade, demonstrated technique, and presented the medals.

Isaiah's epic event was the Ruck Sack Hike. Typically, soldiers carry 40-pound backpacks and lug equipment for the 20-mile, all-terrain hike. Zay wore a hand-weighted backpack up and down a mat ramp.

Daddy was the class' official escort

Left, right, left, right, left!

My Hero

Two awesome students presented a "Proud to be an American" tribute featuring sign language...

...which was no match for America's bravest

Run! It's Anguirus!

2011-05-16T21:00:00.006-04:00

Mariah is a huge fan of "Godzilla". While most girls her age are watching banal Hannah Montana repeats, Mariah is busy scouring eBay for classic movies featuring her favorite Tokyo-stomper.

It's no secret my kids want a dog. I know I said I had been considering adopting a shelter dog, but realistically - I don't think it would be a good fit for us right now. The kids have done wonderfully this school year and are old enough for added responsibilities. A pet. With more personality than fish, but is less work than a dog.

Enter Anguirus.

He is the newest member of the Brownies ~ my brown Guinea Baby, if you will. He is named after a monster from the 1955 "Godzilla" movie. And yes - you can guess who named him. It's pronounced ANGER-us, but I call him "Angus". He is adorable. He has a gorgeous rusty-brown colored coat and freaky, beady red eyes. There's nothing wrong with him. His irises have no pigment and are reflecting the red of the blood vessels (so says the Internet). But still, f-r-e-a-k-y.

But he is absolutely sweet as pie.

...which he will end up in if this Pet Experiment 101 is an epic fail.

Oh the Wonderful Things My Son Can Do

2011-05-14T08:31:00.004-04:00

Mr. Brown can moo.
Can you?
Can you go like a cow?
Can you go, "Moo Moo"?

~ Dr. Seuss

Last week was Isaiah's annual neuromuscular team evaluation. While some experts in attendance wanted to recount what he still isn't doing, I was more than happy to share news of his amazing progress.

And have a little fun with them.

When the physical therapist asked if Isaiah could jump up with both feet clearing the floor at the same time (which is something he learned from his cousins a few months ago) I suggested that the best way to get him to do it was for them to all get up and jump up and down. I knew full well that Zay would not perform on command - no matter how hard they tried...or as was the case - how high they jumped. But it tickled me beyond measure to witness this display while Isaiah stood there looking all, "WTH is wrong with you people? One word: 'decaf'."

* Isaiah can, in fact, jump up clearing both feet off the ground.

* He is also giving hugs - at will. Walk over to you, put his arms around your neck, head hugs that threaten to burst my heart.

* He can now ride his school bus without his wheelchair. I know we were going to wait until this summer, but his paraprofessional triple-teamed me with the PT and the bus aid. One day last week, the ramp never came down. My son and his aid came stepping off the bus. Shock doesn't begin to describe how I felt. But nothing was stronger than the pride.

There can be so much negativity associated with the Special Needs Universe. Comparing our kiddos to "normal" kids. Anxiety over what our kids can't do. We need to remember to celebrate the inchstones as well as the milestones.

Sometimes it's nice to put the spotlight on all the wonderful things Mr. Brown can do.

Babies Booming: Part 2

2011-05-09T10:22:00.002-04:00

Mother's Day was a little extra special for two more of my friends. Each Mommy celebrated with a brand new baby - the most recent additions of the huge 2011 Baby Boom.

Welcome, Brooks and Camden!

Rolling up to The White House

2011-04-28T09:51:00.004-04:00

On Easter Monday, Mariah and her daddy rolled up to the White House for the annual Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn. Mariah ages out of the event later this year when she turns 12, so I was so happy she got this opportunity. It was an unseasonably warm day for late April, but she braved the heat for this unforgettable experience.

Score!

On the lawn

Mariah and "Top Chef" Carla Hall

Mariah and "Top Chef" Spike Mendelsohn

Willow Smith whipping her hair back and forth

Mrs. Obama's garden

Sasha and Malia's swing set

My beautiful Second Kid

Official White House Easter egg on the left; Egg Roll souvenir egg on the right. Eggs-trodinary!

The Wheels on the Bus

2011-04-21T17:43:00.004-04:00

Ah, Spring.

Blooming flowers. Warmer temperatures. IEP reviews.

Earlier this month we attended Isaiah's Individual Education Plan meeting. It's an opportunity to meet with his school "team" and see how much progress he has been making towards his goals. He is still operating on an infant level in many areas of his cognition and abilities, but his gross motor functioning continues to strengthen and improve.

His PT feels it's time to "pull his chair", ie - no more wheelchair at school. Which would mean no more wheelchair on the bus.

Remember how I held onto his walker for dear life? I am nowhere near wrapping my brain around the bus idea. He'd still be restrained in an integrated harness on a Special Needs bus. He still requires A LOT of hands on assistance especially with with steps. And let's face it, that first bus step is a doozy. As ambitious as the therapists and teachers are, I'm just not sure I am ready to take away his safety net - my mental safety net - just yet.

So we agreed on a trial run. We'll see how he does during Summer School. I will walk him out onto the bus and strap him in. (And I have no idea where to put his backpack! It usually hangs from a carabiner clip off the back of the chair). Someone will have to get him off the bus once at school...and make sure he gets to class OK. Gads - I am already sweating. He is such a little guy for his age. And boy does get distracted easily...

I know they wouldn't recommend this if they didn't think he was truly ready. Apparently the only time he uses his chair at school lately is for transportation to and from school. They told me he doesn't even take it on field trips anymore.

*sigh*

So, who is going to take off this Mama's training wheels?

Go Shawty! It was my Burfday!

2011-04-11T21:09:00.008-04:00

This past weekend I hosted an eclectic gathering of family and friends to celebrate my birthday. For me, it was more than a dinner party. It was a Coming Out party of sorts. I feel like I am coming out of so much lately...not the least of which will soon be my 30's. I'm coming out of my comfort zone. And ultimately, coming into my own.

I knew exactly who I wanted there - yep, my Bounceable Bunch of Besties. Naturally with life, they couldn't all attend, but I was definitely feeling the love from those who came ~ from near and far.

The Venue

Mexican chocolate cupcake with hazelnut mousse filling = one decadent Birthday Cake

Not 'UNO' this time

Cousin Michele travelled the farthest

And Jennifer, my Gween, took the biggest leap of faith - we've never met in person, despite the fact that we have known each other for years. Bet she's glad I'm not a very patient axe murderer. I'm glad she is awesome.

Strength, Courage, and Wisdom

2011-04-09T09:56:00.004-04:00

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
Always putting off my living for tomorrow
It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen

It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

Strength, courage, and wisdom
It's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, wisdom
It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

I found it in me, I found it finally
I'm sure to keep it cause I like it, I say thank you

~ India Arie

Today as I celebrate my thirty-muffled birthday, I thank God for everything. The good and the not-so-good. The triumphs and the heartbreak. Because nothing that has brought me to this day has killed me. In fact, I am stronger. I am wiser. And I now have the courage to live my life to the fullest.

The best is yet to come - this I know for sure. 'Cause strength, courage and wisdom have been inside of me all along.

Babies Booming: Part 1

2011-04-05T18:31:00.008-04:00

I mentioned last year how so many of my friends were expecting in 2011. Well, spring has sprung and those little chicks have begun to hatch.

I'm pleased to announce the arrivals of Kate, Liam, Lillian, Lorali , and Zachary - the first wave of new babies this year, with 2 more due in the coming weeks.

Congratulations, Mamas, Papas, Big Sisters, and Big Brothers!

P.S. for April 7, 2011: I've had to edit this post twice! Lorali and Zachary were both born yesterday.

My New Shirt

2011-04-04T09:38:00.002-04:00

Because raisins don't belong in food items. Ever.

Asperger's? No - I said how much for a "Hamburger"

2011-03-26T10:35:00.006-04:00

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

~ Forrest Gump's Mama

One of the most beautiful things about my three children is how very different they look from one another. Some people seem confused when the pieces of our family are separate. But once they see us all together, I can almost hear the "ah-ha" moment occur in their brains.

Savannah, supposedly, looks like me. Mariah looks like J. And without missing a beat, the first thing J said to me in the delivery room when Isaiah was born was that he looked like Savannah. (The geneticist has since denounced that theory, noting he doesn't resemble anyone in our family. Bah. What does she know?)

Three very different babies from the same two parents. Three unique personalities that conflict and compliment each other all at once. Isaiah is adventurous. Mischievous. Curious and loving. Mariah is affectionate, humorous, and warm. Savannah is sweet, thoughtful, and extremely creative. She is also what we always thought was super shy.

Through the years, Savannah's lack of peer relationships has become more apparent. But again, I chalked it up to her being painfully shy. We sought outside resources to help her deal with the shyness and anxiety. But her therapist saw something more -not wanting to pile my already full plate, but she had a very strong opinion as to what we were seeing in Savannah. So she began investigating and felt an extensive evaluation was warranted. We consented. And then we got the news: Savannah has Asperger's Syndrome.

Funny thing, she looks the same. Still breathtaking. She still tells the same dry jokes. And laughs at them. She still wrestles with her brother until one of them is begging for mercy. She still annoys her sister by knocking on her bedroom door and leaving before she answers. Still the Daddy's Girl who will creep out of her bed to see him if he comes home late from a mission.

But now she's "Autistic". High-functioning and doing remarkably well - blossoming - at her new school, yet still labeled. I wish I could say I was shocked. Twinge of sadness, but not necessarily shock. A mama knows what a mama knows and from Day 1, I knew there was something quirky about my firstborn child. And now it has a name. With that name comes resources. And support. And as far as I am concerned, some peace.

In the box of Life's Chocolates, I have been delighted with the sweetness of some pieces and gagged on the unexpected bitterness of others. Expecting the worst doesn't leave me cowering from life's next challenge.

Because it's all still chocolate after all.

What I Learned at Camp Schmidt

2011-03-23T11:36:00.009-04:00

1. First of all, there are no bunnies in the woods.

2. A campfire is better than Prozac.

3. S'mores are underrated. They should be a food group. Seriously. Yummy.

4.Ghost stories and hayrides in the dark can still scare the bejeesus out of me.

5. Dawn is a gorgeous, powerful time of day. But I'm still not a morning person.

6.Clear, odorless, moving water is probably potable. But you might want to strain it through your teeth first.

7. Sometimes getting lost is half the fun.

8. Fifth-grade girls can survive on very little sleep. They rest long enough to recharge their mouth muscles. Cuz they talk. A lot.

9. When it comes to friendships, my child has impeccable taste.

10. If Mariah was stranded in the woods with her classmates and the only way out was to swing on a vine over quicksand without so much as touching the quicksand, I'd never see my child again.

11. Spending time with my middle child in the middle of nowhere was worth the sleepless night, the taste of camp food, and the haunted hayride-induced heart palpitations.

From Russia with Love

2011-03-19T21:18:00.004-04:00

You've heard of the "Black Russian" (the drink, the bagel), but have you met the "Smiling Black Russian"?

J recently returned from an assignment in Moscow with Vice-President Biden. Even though we feel like we've traveled the world, Russia has never been on our radar. J brought back pictures and souvenirs that made the kids and I feel like we were there (and enough toiletries from the swanky hotel to smell like we were!)

J at Red Square

St. Basil's

Ice, ice, Basil's

Crystal Basil's - one of my gifts

Musical Basil's - one of Savannah's gifts

Babushka Babies - another gift. J brought back a set for everyone.

When in Russia, what else do you get the Eagles' biggest fan (*Savannah*)?

One Foot, Two Feet...

2011-03-02T23:35:00.004-05:00

...Isaiah's two new feet

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

The Bounceable Bunch

2011-02-26T08:53:00.004-05:00

Resilient people identify those who are available, trustworthy, and helpful. Then they go towards that light.

~ Dr. Dina Carbonell in "The Bounce Back Book" by Karen Salmansohn

One of my assignments from this book was to identify ten people in my life I consider friends. And then ask the questions: who is 100% rooting for me to live my happiest life and not competing or jealous and who do I always feel happier visiting - not more depressed? Those who make the cut would be considered my support system. The peeps I'd like to call my "Bounceable Bunch of Besties".

There are more than ten people I can count on in my life. But I was intrigued by the eleven names that sprang to mind...and by the ones that didn't. Despite my 200+ Facebook "friends", I know who has my back. And what an eclectic bunch they are: relatives, Army wife buddies from various duty stations through the years, moms from parenting groups I've belonged to (in fact, #12 is a parenting group) - old friends and a brand new one. A few of the BBB's I've never even met in real life. But they all share the same real qualities. It's clear who I can call, text, or post to in full crisis mode. I know who is going to listen with an open heart and allow me to find my way - even if she doesn't agree. I know who resists the temptation to judge.

I'm blessed and don't take my Bunch for granted. I've always believed that having good friends requires being a good friend. So it doesn't matter to me if I'm #1 or #10 on a friend's BBB list. Just as long as my name is there.

Bounceable Bunch - bounce on.

Little Angels

2011-02-22T16:20:00.003-05:00

As I tucked in Isaiah last night, one family I have come to know through my Special Needs Support Group had said their final goodbyes to a precious child - and another family was preparing to. Two amazing girls who both fought unique medical battles - battles that ended both their young lives entirely too soon.

I cannot imagine losing a child. I take that back. I can imagine it, but not for too long. Not before I begin to lose it. But my faith reminds me that children aren't ours to keep. When God calls them back up to Heaven for whatever reason, we have faith that their lives have served a purpose. And that's where we should find comfort.

But I'm selfish. I'm human. I love my babies. I want them here with me.

Just like Ellie Mae's mama and Emilie's mama wanted to keep them close to them. I'd like to believe Ellie Mae welcomed Emilie into Heaven early this morning. Took her by the hand and said she would show her around. I'd like to think they skipped off together - something their earthly bodies had not allowed. And then Ellie Mae showed Emilie her wings. And then showed her how to fly.

I'd like to think that.

Table for 1

2011-02-19T10:49:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine from high school organized a Ladies Night Out for her girlfriends last night. Knowing that adult conversation, laughs, and good food & drink were on the horizon kept an armed me out of bell towers all week.

Unfortunately, at the very last minute - she had to back out. The other ladies didn't feel comfortable celebrating a night out when the "tie that binds us" had taken ill, so it was postponed. At the very last minute. J had already arranged to leave work early to spend a "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" evening with the kids. So I was still going out. But who on Earth would be available to hang out on such short notice?

Turns out, I'm pretty good company.

I decided to take the opportunity to scope out restaurants for my upcoming birthday celebration. I've asked all my local friends to save the date - we're going to party like it's 1999. Just have to find the perfect venue.

It was an unusually mild winter's night, so National Harbor was abuzz. After stepping out of the parking garage into the breezy hustle and bustle, I felt on top of the world. Riding solo and enjoying it. Able to browse the exclusive boutiques without little hands grabbing at the racks. I could squeeze into tight aisles and spaces. And I could linger over dangly, sparkly items as long as I wanted.

On the enthusiastic recommendation of a very helpful salesman, I settled on the first restaurant to review. Good choice, as the line was long as I approached the hostess stand. I walked up and proudly proclaimed I needed a table for ONE - confident I'd be seated and finished eating before these couples' and groups' buzzers had even gone off. All my hopes were dashed when I was informed the wait time would be close to an hour. Undeterred and not willing to go back into the brisk ever-increasingly windy night - I stayed. Sat down and took in my surroundings. Women seemed to hold their men closer. I wonder if I ever did that with J. No worries, ladies. The last thing I need right now is your man.

When my buzzer went off signaling my table was ready, I was led through a maze of diners until arriving at a table - being set for four. The hostess whispered to the waiter,

"Uno."

"Uno?"

"Si, UNO."

I didn't know whether to be flattered or embarrassed by his inability to process I'd be dining alone. After he cleared away the three extra settings he had just placed and I sat down, I grew less self-conscious. It actually felt good being there alone. Maybe it was my fruity drink, but the whole situation became empowering to me. Sexy and strong me. Charming and relaxed. Flirty and fun. I even asked the couple at the table next to me if they wanted me to take their picture. It was obvious they were trying to document their date before their baby is born.

Twenty year-old Sharon would have been mortified eating alone at an upscale restaurant on a Friday date night. But Close-to-40 Sharon had pity for the people who have never had the experience. You have to know who are to be comfortable in that scenario. You have to be okay with you. And you have to have a sister-in-law who entertains your "super-lightweight" texts. (Love ya, Tiana!)

One is definitely not the loneliest number. As far as I am concerned, it's the strongest.

The Look of Love

2011-02-14T09:08:00.003-05:00

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

~ 1 Corinthians 13:13

Forget the Klondike Bar: What I Did for a Cherry Limeade

2011-02-13T11:43:00.007-05:00

That's me. At Sonic. Yesterday. I drove over 100 miles round trip for one of these babies:

Yep - the infamous Cherry Limeade. Because we don't happen to live near a Sonic, it's been almost a year since I've had one (we stopped at a Sonic in Hampton Roads last Spring during a family visit). When we lived in Washington state, they eventually built a Sonic not far from where we were stationed. A Sonic we enjoyed until we moved...less than a year later. Surely Sonic would be plentiful back East.

Uh, no.

So no spontaneous trips to Sonic for us. Nope - driving that far takes planning. And a full tank of gas. Mariah said I packed the van like we were going camping. I'd like to think I was just being prepared.

The kids and I had a blast. Not only did we find and enjoy Sonic goodies, but to my absolute delight this was anchored at the nearby shopping center:

Best.

Day.

Ever.

Superbowled Over

2011-02-12T22:42:00.005-05:00

The Washington Redskins were out of the running early on. Which left Savannah's Philadelphia Eagles. (I still have 0 idea how I gave birth to an Eagles fan). Rooting for them was painful enough - dealing with their getting knocked out of Superbowl contention was almost unbearable. Fond ties to Washington state and our time there gave me mad love for the Seattle Seahawks. And clearly that didn't work out for me either.

But by the time Superbowl XLV rolled around, I was delighted to finally have a team I could get sincerely, genuinely excited about. One that had a real chance of winning it all. Enter the Pittsburgh Steelers. I have no ties to Pittsburgh. But I have known their head coach since high school.

Mike Tomlin and I were classmates and Denbigh High School Class of 1990 graduates. Not only athletic, Mike was smart. An all-around nice guy. A natural to be voted our class' "Most Likely to Succeed". Although his team didn't win another Ring this year, he has already proven that superlative beyond our wildest dreams.

Which brings me to my vote for the Superbowl XLV ad "Most Likely to Succeed in Making You Smile". It goes to Volkswagen. The Star Wars Geek Mom in me could barely be contained:

The Force is strong with this one.

Matters of the Heart

2011-02-05T10:16:00.003-05:00

And *spoiler alert*: it's not Isaiah's heart this time. Right on cue for Valentine's Day - it's mine.

I have been on a beta blocker since 2009 when a routine appointment revealed tachycardia - my resting heart rate above 100 bpm. As I have mentioned before, Isaiah has supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) that was discovered in utero late in my second trimester. He has been on medication for it since before he was even born. I was born with a benign murmur that was resolved during my childhood. A fast heart rate in my adulthood was news to me. Even though I had been experiencing palpitations that I associated with caffeine, anxiety, or stress - being put on medication for my heart wasn't anything I had expected.

Earlier this week was my annual Torturefest disguised as a "Well Woman Exam". I had allowed myself to run out of Atenolol which is apparently not a good thing (long story involving a transferred/expired prescription). At the end of my blood pressure check, the BP machine automatically restarted. The nurse informed me that occurs whenever it records an abnormal finding.

Ru' roh.

Turns out my heart rate was up an additional 20 beats per minute from that day in 2009 when my tachycardia was first detected. Basically double what it should have been. And as anyone who knows me can attest - it wasn't that high because I had been doing anything physically exhausting. So in came the EKG machine. In that moment, the impending Pap smear was sounding better and better. The EKG confirmed the tachycardia. After a stern lecture from the doctor, she upped the ante - put me on a more potent drug and wants to see me again in two weeks. Next step, a specialist. She also ordered a thyroid sonogram.

I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I might have to take medicine for the rest of my life. Plenty of people do, but I never thought it would be me. Not now. I'm truly grateful for modern medicine and miracles. I'm humbled by the gifts God has bestowed on doctors.

And perhaps most importantly of all, I'm thankful Starbucks makes decaf.

We Are Not Dog People

2011-01-25T10:59:00.005-05:00

I'm not one of those people who'll show up for work with my sweater covered in pet hair. For (1) my usual outfit for putting Isaiah on the bus is PJ's and a coat and (2) I don't have any furry family members.

We didn't have animals as pets growing up. (Wait - do goldfish count?) In the late 70's, my sister and I came thisclose to being surprised with our very own matching kitties. Unfortunately, they never made it home. They probably ended up unexpected pets to a State Trooper's child. The trooper to which my mother surrendered the cats on the drive home - an adventure that involved said cats running amok in Ma's lap and under her braking foot. Imagine our confusion when our big "surprise" turned out to be two boxes of Meow Mix.

So now, of course, my children want a dog. Mariah says we should get Isaiah a "therapy dog". How thoughtful, right? We were over some friends' house a few years ago and they had the most adorable Shih Tzu. Zay was sitting on the floor close to the dog when out of nowhere, he decided the dog needed to be muzzled. He grabbed the poor doggy by the face and shook it like,...well...like a dog. Thank God she didn't go all Cujo on my boy. She sat there for a moment, like "WTH?" and then avoided Zay for the remainder of the evening.

Lately I've been giving more thought to adopting a shelter dog. Even though I'd be certifiably nutso for bringing an animal into this house. The vet bills. Waiting for it to do its business out in the cold. In the rain. In the snow. During a flood. Cleaning up doggie doo. Dealing with Pet Death or worse, being left with the dog when the girls go off to college.

But their love is so unconditional. Always happy to see you at the end of the day. Don't care if you've showered or brushed your teeth. And according to Mariah, we could train one for Isaiah to ride around the house.

But we are not dog people.

Right?

Better keep a bag of Kibbles 'N Bits in the van just in case.

Let Freedom earRing

2011-01-21T09:21:00.008-05:00

On Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day 2011, my 11 year-old decided she wanted to get her ears pierced. I had to give it to her - she knew what she wanted and never wavered. This is the child who shuns any unnecessary pain (which, when it comes to the prospect of any future tattoos, is a really, really good thing), but who went headlong (earlobelong) into her very first (and prayerfully, ONLY) piercing. I was 30+ years-old before I had the courage to do the very same thing.

Seems like all the Brownies have had "growth spurts" of sorts. A couple of weeks ago, I bought Isaiah size 5 pants for his school uniform. Notice, I didn't say '5T'. He was hulking out of those. And now, even the regular fives don't fit. All of his PJ's that we used to have to roll up now make him look like he's ready to wade in the water. I cannot believe my baby is going on 7 and even more than that, I can't believe he's ready to wear size 6!

Savannah returned recently from a church youth convention with over 6,000 other adolescents in Ocean City, Maryland. I remember being President of my church's Youth Group back in the day. And now Savannah already has a retreat under belt. Glad Pastor Granny and Uncle K were there to keep her in line. Or was it the other way around?

This is Fishlips

2011-01-17T22:58:00.006-05:00

If you see this face, then it's probably too late. Isaiah is already out to get you. More than likely as a result of something you did to him - any time in the past. See, he holds a grudge. But there are also times when Fishlips is seemingly, totally unprovoked. It can be followed by a swipe, a hair tug, a push, or a pull.

Even our extended family recognizes and appreciates the power and prowess of the Fishlips. It's become a part of our vernacular.

"Don't Fishlip your Granny!"

"Uh-oh, he's doing the Fishlips..."

"Mommy, he's Fishlipping me!"

My mom says it's all a part of Isaiah's trying to control his world anyway he can. For a boy who has no spoken language, sometimes all you need to do is read his Fishlips.

City Mice

2011-01-06T21:55:00.003-05:00

To kick off my Year of Living with No Regrets, I decided to volunteer to chaperone Mariah's upcoming class nature/camping/field trip. She really wants to go. She's typically an "indoor girl" like her mama, but she's a sucker for an epic adventure. She always participated in our family camp-outs in the backyard. J would pitch a military-grade tent, light up the fire pit, and we'd roast marshmallows for the obligatory S'mores. No chiggers or bears and our backdoor not even 10 feet away, but it was a lot more "roughing it" than some of the kids had under their belt.

The other day I sat in on a briefing with the students, teachers, and parent volunteers. The camp spokesguy was kid-friendly - held their full attention. That was, until the list of forbidden items appeared during the Power Point presentation. Oh the moans and groans at the Red Slash O' Death through all their "toys": no iPods, no cell phones, no laptops...Those kids acted like they were seriously going to die. On the spot. When they were informed that there were no televisions in their sleeping quarters, you could have measured the disappointment on the Richter scale. When they found out out how far we'd be hiking everyday, I swear a few of them feigned a heart attack. And when the slide of the hayride went up and featured an actual tractor and actual wagon, one little boy raised his hand, "Wait. We won't be in Land Rovers?" Ummm...sure kid. We'll just fill the trunks with hay for a more authentic experience.

Camp Guy: No one walks alone ever during the trip. If you need to go somewhere, you'll go with a teacher, a parent, or a buddy.

At Least 3 Kids: We have to walk with BUNNIES?!

So if a tree falls in the middle of the forest while we are there, will those 3 hear it?

Hope I don't regret this.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-05T11:12:00.002-05:00

The Rogue Rody

2011-01-03T11:45:00.011-05:00

Another "Holiday Season" has come and gone. And this past Christmas truly was, in the immortal words of my favorite carol crooner, Donnie Hathaway - a very special Christmas, indeed. My sister flew in on Christmas Eve. We haven't celebrated a major holiday as a family in years. Between her living out West and our military lifestyle keeping us overseas for so long, special holiday gatherings together have been far and in between. Something magical happens when my sister, brother, and I are all together. Besides driving our mother batty with our dry humor, wit, and pun-tastic good times, there is a sense of completeness. Like the feeling of filling a whole in your heart you don't realize is empty.

The only flaw in an otherwise perfect holiday was the disappointment that was supposed to be Isaiah's Big Gift from Santa. It was a Rody Max riding horse, the bigger one, on recommendations from other moms of kids with Special Powers like Isaiah's. It's supposed to promote strength, coordination, and balance. I ordered it in early December in plenty of time for it to get here. Once it arrived UPS, I stowed the box way back in his closet in anticipation of its grand inflation and presentation. What kid's face wouldn't light up at the sight of a pony under the tree on Christmas morning?!

On the morning of Christmas Eve, while all the kidlets were still asleep, I recovered the brown box and headed down to the basement for J to blow it up and find a place for it until the morning. He got on task while I went to work elfing the other loot.

And then he uttered the LAST words you want to hear on Christmas Eve:

Is this for Zay? This is too small for Zay.

Since the Rody is tauted as being able to "grow with your child", I asked him if he had blown it up all the way. But it didn't matter. I knew in that moment, looking over at that horse - a shoo-in for Thumbalina's rodeo - we had been delivered the WRONG pony. One look on the box confirmed my worst suspicions: it was in fact, the original Rody and not the Rody Max which, by the way, costs more than twice the original.

Waiting for their West Coast office to open was nothing short of torture. These things are made in Italy...available for purchase only online as far as I know. And it was Christmas Eve. When I finally got someone on the line, she was very sympathetic. One look at the shipping invoice and their mistake was obvious: the shipping weight in no way matched what should have been in that box, she explained. The Max is considerably heavier (and did I mention twice as expensive?)

She promised they would make it right and get the right philly out the gate and to us the next week. Little consolation on Christmas Eve considering everything was centered around Zay's shiny, new, red pony. I beat myself up for about 10 minutes. Why didn't I check the box carefully when it arrived? Isaiah deserves a big shiny Christmas just like any other kid. Just because he can't distinguish Christmas from any other day of the year doesn't mean he deserves it any less.

And then it hit me, Isaiah is a very blessed little boy. During this Christmas Season, I have been touched by the kindness and generosity of people we know and complete strangers alike. In addition to material things he has received, Isaiah is surrounded by love...every day of the year. And this Christmas he had aunties, an uncle, a granny, cousins, sisters, and parents doting on him. That is worth more than the odds-on winner of the Kentucky Derby whinnying under the tree on Christmas morning.

The Holidays are over, but my Christmas tree is still up. And it will stay up until Rody Max in Red finds his way home to my very special boy.

Giddyup.

Parting Gifts from 2010

2010-12-31T11:13:00.003-05:00

Should old acquaintance be forgot...?

I never really understood the meaning of that song. In truth, I never really understood the WORDS to that song. If it's asking whether we should leave our past behind as we move forward into the New Year, my answer would be "not necessarily". Without dwelling on the past, I feel justified drawing from it.

Today, I reflect on the last 12 months of gifts - brought to me courtesy of the Epic Year 2010.

2010 brought me home. Home to my mother. Home to a family I didn't realize was so sorely missed. 2010 brought me to tears. Feelings of loss. Of pain. 2010 brought me to my knees. Praying to the Lord for His guidance and strength. Giving thanks for His love, mercy, and favor. 2010 brought me to my feet. Cheering for my amazing kids. Standing up for myself. Standing up for what is right. 2010 brought me to my senses. Revealed. Renewed. Restored. 2010 brought me out. My circumstances no longer binding me. Free to explore my God-given talents.

They say the present is a gift. I am grateful for the gifts of the past.

A Very Obama Christmas

2010-12-23T18:33:00.008-05:00

I didn't take any chances this time. My purse remained obediently in the car. My camera was strapped around my neck like a tourist. The camera bag remained obediently in the car. There was no way I was going to risk delaying my latest tour of the White House to see - and photograph - it at its very Christmas-y finest.

It did not disappoint. From the moment we stepped onto the grounds, through the halls, in every room - the beauty of The Season was breathtaking.

Jesus Take The Wheel

2010-12-19T12:36:00.003-05:00

Make a U-Turn if possible.

This, the urging of my navigation system (I've dubbed her "Navi") if for some reason I veer off of her chartered course. She has never steered me wrong. Even when it came down to her or me during our 2009 road trip to Disneyland...even when I think I know better, she is programmed with the insight I just don't have.

I like to think God is a lot like that. I take comfort in it. He has chartered a plan for our lives. And if we listen to Him, we can't go wrong. All of His maps are instantly, constantly updated. He keeps track of all road conditions and on-going construction. And he adjusts our direction accordingly.

He gives us Free Will. We can opt out of His path. Choose our own way. Find ourselves stranded, out of gas, and in a bad neighborhood.

I'm thankful for the "resume route" option on my GPS. One touch to the screen and no matter where I find myself, Navi will reroute me. Recalculate the directions and tell me the most efficient way to my destination.

God is that type of God. And prayer is the key to resuming the route if we get ourselves off course. It's actually the way to stay on course. If we just stop trying to do things our way and let Jesus take the wheel, we'll get where we need to be. Not that there won't be bumps in the road or unexpected pit stops, tire blowouts, or inclement weather. By knowing - accepting - that God is control, we can sit back, relax, and take in a little scenery along the way.

Destination ahead.

Do You See What I See?

2010-12-18T11:57:00.004-05:00

So I put it off long enough. Holiday Photo Shoot 2010 was actually a success. Our New Year's cards are ordered (the "Christmas Card" ship has sailed).

Despite my initial apprehension, the kids (read: ISAIAH) cooperated. And before I could morph into Shutterbugzilla, the deed was done. The result is a holiday card I am totally delighted with.

Here are some nuggets that didn't make the cut this year, but still prove what a fun and lovable bunch o' Brownies I have.

The look on his face = something is about to get set OFF

Mariah

My beauties

You know it's a fun shoot when ornaments start sticking to clothing

Naughtiness was afoot

"Lalalalalala! Can't hear you, Mommy. The shoot is OVER."

Beautiful Butterfly

2010-12-09T13:59:00.003-05:00

"MyYaYa", my middle cub, turns 11 years-old today. I have learned so much from her. Most importantly ~ how to laugh. She is a riot. And always has been.

Happy Birthday, Sweetness. Watching you transform into the beautiful young lady you are has been a blessing.

Blogworthy

2010-12-01T17:18:00.008-05:00

Suddenly, my days are shorter. By stark contrast, my "To Do" list is growing longer. I've had several false starts with Blogging lately.

So, I'm going to call this *ahem*...

Stuff That Happened When I Wasn't Blogging.

Thanksgiving was beautiful. It was the first time in several years that I was able to sit down at my mother's impeccably set table, feeling awful thankful to be together this year.

Isaiah's Knob Saga is finally, blissfully resolved. After contacting the company directly, Andrew (AKA: my Knight in Shining Armor) came through. He UPS'd not only The Knob, but replacement tires, a new "H" harness, tools for installation, and instructions ~ free of charge. Didn't even ask for our insurance. Other companies could learn a lot from this.

The Infamous Knob

Fall weather is definitely here to stay, with winter licking cold at its heels. Today the temperature dropped 20 degrees in 2 hours. J has been scouring the neighborhood for free firewood. And with two fireplaces to fuel, I'll take what we can get.

Too bad we can't chop up the trees in our yard. They were gorgeous as the leaves changed...

...but J and the kids must have blown and raked up 4.5 million bags of leaves.

And alas, my new camera lens has arrived. Haven't had the chance to really break it in yet. But I think I am already in love.

But please don't hold your breath for that Perfect Christmas Card Photo.

Mrs. Roada Rage

2010-11-22T12:56:00.007-05:00

On the morning of October 6, 1995 - the day of my wedding rehearsal and just before my manicure - I received my very first driver's license. (Psst: to this day, I have a spotless driving record!)

I had my driving permit since I was 15 plus some odd months, but I wasn't one of those kids who just HAD to get her license the second she turned 16. Maybe I was lazy. Or maybe it's because I had an older sister who drove. Or maybe because my mom thought I was too "flighty" to be trusted behind the wheel. For whatever reason, driving didn't rank high on my priority list during my teen years.

After I graduated from college, my mother bought me a car. Hey, I can take a hint. So I decided to take lessons. Real driving lessons. Elderly Mr. J from Sears Driving School (yes, in some ways I did get my license from Sears), would pick me up once a week and teach me everything I needed to know to pass the state driver's test. We parallel parked--complete with cones and flags. And Day 1, he had me out on I-495...white-knuckling it, I might add. It took 15 years for me to try THAT again.

In between our close calls, Mr. J and I talked. Mostly about Dr. Laura. Mr. J enjoyed listening to her show, so many of our conversations centered around whatever she had been discussing.

What Mr. J could not have prepared me for was the bevy of bad drivers that exist in the real world. Being a new driver of a particular age gave me an advantage in some ways. For one thing, I had a degree of maturity on my side. Nothing is worse than a young, inexperienced, careless, hothead. Unless it's a rude driver. They bring out the worst in me. One minute I am happily singing along to "Wait on the Lord"; the next, I lose my religion. Don't know why I let them get to me.

Didn't realize the extend of my "problem" until one day on the way to school, I heard a little voice from the backseat, "What happened to make you mad, Auntie Sharon?" In that moment, I realized how ridiculous it was for me to give away all my power and composure to idiots on the road. So I'm trying not to take any of it personally. And I'm also trying to refrain from calling them "idiots". But they make it so hard.

WWDLD?*

*What Would Dr. Laura Do?

Presidential Pardon

2010-11-18T09:03:00.004-05:00

Apparently, all is forgiven for what I did the last time I was at the White House.

Next month, J and I will be attending a Holiday Open House at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. And they are allowing photography--something that was verboten on our last tour. That alone is worth a TSA-style pat down.

My Photo Carnival "Pick"-Ture

2010-11-17T12:16:00.006-05:00

Today I am participating in a Photo Carnival over at Love That Max.

"The Littlest Heroes Project" photographer, Trina Gueck, spent the afternoon of Isaiah's 5th birthday getting to know him. She worked her magic capturing the very essence of my sweet boy in her photography. It's not hard to see why I picked this as my favorite.

See how she caught all that mischief? That head cocked to the side? That infectious grin? All Zaiah. And that independence. Isaiah was learning to walk. See how he's not holding on to the handles on his walker? Eight weeks after this picture was taken, Isaiah let go of that walker for good and stepped out on his own and hasn't looked back. From this photo's perspective, I'm able to see Isaiah as his own person ~ literally a separate, but equally valuable part of our family.

And we are all still here. Standing behind him. Cheering him on.

Deck the Halls...or Me

2010-11-15T09:47:00.010-05:00

Christmas Card Photo Panic 2010 has commenced.

New year, same scenario. It's officially that time of year when I realize I have to get the perfect picture for our family Christmas card. Or the world will come to an end. When I make my usually tolerant children crazy with my demands to sit next to each other and smile. Again. And again.

Last year, I let myself off the hook, so to speak. Instead of one perfect card, I decided to do two versions: "Naughty" and "Nice". I never got THE perfect shot, so I just capitalized on what I was able to capture.

I need a new plan. It's just all so stressful. Need proof? Here are some outtakes from last year's Photo Shoot:

OK....who farted?

I'm outta here.

Just where do you think you're going?

I know you aren't TOUCHING me.

Come baaaaaaack...

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Year #2 in Review

2010-11-03T09:23:00.004-04:00

The second anniversary of Three Chocolate Brownies just passed.

Gotta say, I had no idea I would cover such a wide variety of topics over the course of the last 12 months. Our epic cross-country move. Heartbreaking marital woes. Self-discovery. Reconnecting with my extended family. Elation in Isaiah's negative test results. Pride in my uber Brownies' accomplishments. Renewed faith.

If you have followed us from the start, thanks for hanging in there. If you are new to The Blog, hang on for the ride ~ I have a feeling it's just getting good.

Happy Hallowon't

2010-10-30T22:34:00.002-04:00

I seem to have gotten a head start on getting my "Scrooge" on this year. I have done NOTHING for Halloween ~ save a trip to Wal-Mart for candy yesterday.(True story: Mariah actually lost a tooth in a caramel apple a classmate's mom brought in yesterday. Sigh of relief that 1. it was a baby tooth and 2. it was already loose). Usually by now, I would have pumpkin patched, decorated, stitched together a costume or two, and be doing reconnaissance for trick-or-treating. Not this year, though. Zay went to his Literacy Parade Friday dressed like the first grader he is every day. I'm just not feelin' it. Maybe it's the pressure of this being our first Halloween in this house. Maybe it's because the kids are getting older. Maybe it's because I am in denial at how this year seems to be slipping away. In denial at how soon it will be Thanksgiving. And then Christmas. And then 2011.

Bah hallowbug.

In a last ditch effort at enthusiasm, I took the kids out to a local park/farm for some fresh, crisp air and sunshine. Not exactly a pumpkin patch--in fact I only saw two actual pumpkins there--but it was calm place to take in some autumn beauty.

Happy Birthday, Pop.

2010-10-26T21:56:00.004-04:00

Today is my father's birthday. If he hadn't passed away 2 years ago, he would be turning 66 years-old.

Days like today, Father's Day, and the anniversary of his death give me pause. My siblings and I stop whatever we are doing and check on each other. Comfort each other. Encourage each other. And we laugh. Oh how we laugh. Our father provided us with some First Class, Grade A comical moments ~ with the most classic being at his very own expense.

Hey Pop, remember that time at Denny's when Jacoby got a hold of your glasses...?

Baby Fever

2010-10-19T14:14:00.004-04:00

Today I found out another friend of mine is expecting. Add her to the ever-growing (no pun intended) list of friends having babies next year. I share in their elation with every announcement. And then, inexplicably, I'm startled and ashamed by my own feelings of envy.

Let's face it: I'm 38 years-old. I have not one, not two, but THREE children. Not only that, but my youngest has special needs. I've been changing his diapers for 6 years--with no end in sight.

And yet, I am not immune to Baby Fever. It's not as though I want another child. My family is complete, as far as I know. It has to be a purely "pregnancy/baby" thing. Unlike some women, I loved being pregnant. Even dealing with polyhydramnios and hospitalization, I would do it all over again.

Oh the wonder of it all. The flutter of the first movements. The pregnancy glow. The attention that belly commands. That literal bond with the unborn baby. I'll never forget the first time I heard my babies cry. I was amazed at my seemingly innate ability to identify their cries in a crowd of wailing infants.

And I'll never forget the first time I held them. With Isaiah, it happened a day after he was born(he was whisked away in the delivery room and transferred to a different hospital. I could only touch his leg through one of the portals of the transport incubator).

I remember the NICU nurse undoing his wires and handing him to me. I remember holding him gently and kissing his face over and over again....whispering into his tiny ear how much I missed him...how Mommy was here now...how he was going to be all right.

Sometimes, I find myself holding him like that all over again--his (now) long legs dangling down near mine. It's in those moments that I can't help but kiss his face like I did on that day I first held him. All over his forehead. Both cheeks. On that recessed chin. On that special place on the bridge of his nose between his wide set eyes. He tolerates it for the most part. Smiles and leans into it---anticipating. But when he's had enough, he's gone like a shot. In search of mischief and adventure like most kids his age.

I guess that's why, at least in my case, Baby Fever is so strong. In those moments, I know why I was put on this Earth.

But if there is anything close to a remedy for Baby Fever, I'd put my money on a borrowed, colicky 3 week-old.

Or a sassy 10 year-old.

CURED.

Falling for Fall

2010-10-16T09:14:00.007-04:00

Today is gorgeous. Rewind 48 hours and you would have thought God had broken His promise and was going to, indeed, destroy the world with water again. The sun is shining now and there's just enough crispness in the air to know that autumn is here to stay. Although, I did have to turn on the A/C briefly last week. So to recap, fall is here ~ unless we get back up into the freakish 80+ degree range anytime soon.

Last weekend, we took advantage of the picture-perfect temps and took the kids down to National Harbor. It was less crowded than the summer months and therefore much more enjoyable. From the charming restaurants, to the picturesque pier jutting out into the Potomac, to the glorious grounds and gardens of the Gaylord Hotel ~ it was a treat for the senses.

This particular batch of pictures was taken prior to "The Event". And I don't mean that new T.V. show with Blair Underwood. My event involved my precious camera.

I handed it over to one of my daughters in order to get a picture of my standing on a rock. Sounds lame now, but trust me--it was going to be epic. What I failed to do was secure the strap around her neck. So when my skittish child was suddenly swarmed by yet-to-be-identified insects, my camera took a dive--lens first--straight to the concrete below it.

My shriek startled even me.

Nominate me for Mother-of-the-Year now because YES: I scooped up and cradled my Canon before even thinking to check my child for harm. My camera and I just celebrated our 1st anniversary together (J bought it for our wedding anniversary last year ~ our 15th anniversary just passed). We had it insured, but its demise never crossed my mind.

Upon further investigation (and a consult with both J's "camera guy" and a geek working at Best Buy), it was determined that the connection between the lens and body was compromised in the fall. One of the connectors on the lens is chipped. I get an error message after every single shot. I can't so much as review the images or take another picture without turning the camera off and back on. Not exactly ideal shooting conditions for a shutterbug like myself.

Soooo, it looks like Mama will be getting a new lens. I have been considering an upgraded lens for a while, but just not seriously. Until now.

Oh and you'd better believe I'll be trading in one of my kids for a really good tripod.

About a Boy and a Ball

2010-10-09T09:50:00.003-04:00

Watch out, Donovan McNabb.

Sister's Hood

2010-09-29T11:43:00.012-04:00

You'll have to excuse the blinding glow from my radiant golden tan. I recently returned from a fantastic, long overdue trip to Arizona to visit my one and only sister. Even though we are both grown, she still looks out for her little sister. She appreciates my sense of humor ("The Proposal", anyone?) and is a master at secret-keeping. She is one of the most logical, even-keeled people I have ever known.

And she showed me a fabulous time. From having her good friend pick me up from the airport to briefing me on how to get a better seat on my flight back home--she took good care of me. My sister, who hates spending time in the kitchen almost as much as I do, cooked for me. Even grilled steaks for me. And when I became obsessed with "sticking up a cactus", she made it her mission to find me just the right one (even if it meant water boarding a shopkeeper in Tombstone).

We cruised in her convertible.

We cruised on her motorcycle.

And while she slept, I greeted dawn with a stroll around the neighborhood. The time difference worked in my favor. An Arizona sunrise is like none other.

The differences in the desert and the East Coast were remarkable. The "rockscaping" and desert flora were sights to behold.

Traveling alone was a rare opportunity. I thoroughly embraced it. The love and concern I have for my 3 minor children were never in question ~ although for a millisecond I felt a twinge of Mommy Guilt leaving them. Being away from them for a weekend + 3 days was unheard of. But knowing this was exactly what I needed to do for me put my mind at ease. (That, plus the fact that their father and Granny would never allow any harm to come to them in my absence).

Having my flight out of Arizona delayed resulting in a missed connection on my way back home(and an unscheduled overnight in Atlanta) was an inconvenience. But even that couldn't kill my Getaway Buzz. I had the time of my life.

And if you had a sister like mine, you would have, too.

Talc-HIM Powder

2010-09-19T23:23:00.004-04:00

This is what happens when you run downstairs to check on the laundry and leave an open container of baby powder in close proximity to a very curious little boy:

Coffee Break

2010-09-16T12:19:00.004-04:00

Contrary to my fondness for the occasional Starbucks, I'm not a huge coffee drinker. Sure ~ Mochas, Macchiatos, and Frappuccinos have a time and a place. But sometimes all I need is a hot pot of coffee at home. It's even sweeter when I am drinking it in good company.

Ever since school started, my mom has been stopping by for coffee in the mornings. Our "coffee talks" have become one of the weekly rituals I look forward to the most. I get my mommy all to myself. And she has my full attention. I've had the opportunity to reconnect with her. To rediscover her wisdom and insight. And as quiet as it's kept, her sense of humor is delightful.

She's really funny.

Spending time with my mother gives me a glimpse--a precious look--into who I am capable of becoming.

And that's gotta be worth way more than a week's worth of Dark Cherry Mochas.

My Lucky #13

2010-09-05T18:24:00.008-04:00

If I have to be old enough to be the mother of a teenager, I couldn't think of a sweeter or more creative teen to mother than my Savannah.

This weekend, my oldest child turned 13. When I look at her and remember how loving and forgiving she was as my first baby, I am humbled at what a beautiful young lady--inside and out--she has become.

Here she is playing at a "spielplatz" near our house in Germany, circa 2000.

And plane-spotting at Gravelly Point Park on her 13th birthday

I'm not always going to get it right, Savannah. Bear with me as we navigate the tricky waters of the next few years. I will continue to be The Embarrassing Mom, but just know this--I am also your biggest fan.

Presidential Sweets

2010-08-23T21:22:00.008-04:00

There are certain perks that go along with J's position with the White House Communications Agency.

There's the exclusive White House merchandise. Remember the Easter egg and my "First Lady" bathrobe? And then there are the tickets to special events--professional basketball, football, and baseball games. Earlier this summer, WHCA personnel were invited aboard the Presidential Yacht USS Sequoia:

Presidents who chillaxed on board

Non-President who chillaxed on board

Family members were invited to participate in a tour of the WHCA facility back in June.

The Obrownies

The Obamamobile

Last week we were delighted to get a tour of the White House. What a treat! Well--maybe not for the unfortunate security guard who informed me that my purse was forbidden on the tour. He then had to endure my TMI explanation of what was in my purse and why I needed it.

Have you ever seen a Black man blush?

Once inside, (sans my Coach), the White House was magnificent. The view out of the Blue Room--facing the Washington Monument--was breathtaking. Isaiah even got an unscheduled tour of the kitchen. His wheelchair gave him and his escort, Daddy, access to the "secret" elevator--which happened to be through the kitchen. They shoulda snagged some "O" dish towels...

Wahine's Night Out

2010-08-10T21:43:00.007-04:00

Saturday night I met up with some old friends and a few new ones. We met at a trendy, hip Hawaiian restaurant and bar, beautifully located right on the water. Sometimes it's nice to be a girl out on the town. Nobody under the age of 12 calling me "mommy". It felt good being with what I affectionately refer to as The Grown & Sexy.

And even though I have a child with different needs, there were still moments that made me as typical a mom as the ones I was surrounded by. We enjoyed laughs and traded stories of preteen angst. But inevitably the moment comes when I am again reminded just how different my world is from so many other moms.

A friend of a friend--an educated mom who works with children, whom I'll call "Betty"--threw around the r-bomb a few times. Made me totally uncomfortable. She had no idea at the time that I had a mentally retarded child. And I didn't want to go there. There are times when I just don't want to go there. When I just want to have a good time. Not try to educate the world.

But it is also in those moments that I feel like if I don't say something, I'm letting down Isaiah. I'm letting down my family. I'm letting down my friends with special needs kids. I'm letting down anyone who has ever cared for or loved a disabled person.

When the conversation turned, I did explain Isaiah has cerebral palsy. Betty countered that she didn't think CP had cognitive implications. So then I had to school her on the brain cysts. His developmental delays. His brain damage. Came just short of whipping out his MRI pix.

Talk about a buzz kill.

I don't typically go into social situations looking for sympathy. When people start talking up their kids, the first words out of my mouth are never "Well, my son is disabled." Because there are so many other things he is. But if I'm pressed, I'll gladly share.

At the end of 5 hours, I left feeling recharged and refreshed. I don't know if I had any influence on whether or not Betty will ever use the word "retarded" in that context again. But I would hope she'd at least think twice. Think of her friend's friend, Sharon, and her precious son, Isaiah---who is many more things than "retarded".

Aloha.

My Bundle of Joy

2010-08-05T08:53:00.002-04:00

I was in the basement doing laundry the other day when I looked over and saw that Isaiah had made himself cozy in a basket full of clothes. He enjoys listening the sounds of the washer and dryer...even had his foot propped up while the other was swaying to the rhythm.

Now if I could just teach him to fold and put away...

The Beauty of Skinned Knees

2010-07-30T10:42:00.003-04:00

We were out exloring a new park the other day when Isaiah ~ not looking where he was going, again ~ stumbled over a huge rock. J swooped in for the save, albeit too little, too late. Bam! Zay went down to his knees. It didn't look bad right away. But the way he was carrying on, you would thought he had been severed at the waist. Daddy was cleaning the debris off of Zay's legs when I noticed the blood. And that's when it hit me: my son was walking, tripped, and skinned his knees. Just like a typical 6 year-old boy.

Just like a typical 6 year-old boy.

One year ago, at 5 years-old, Isaiah started walking. For real walking. No walker, walls, passing by legs, therapists, or furniture to hold onto.

July 31, 2009

Look how far he has come...

July 29, 2010

By 2011, Usain Bolt will have nothin' on Zay.

The Wheelchair Runaround: Oh the Bitter Irony

2010-07-23T18:51:00.015-04:00

A durable medical equipment vendor in Northern Virginia recently got to see a side of me rarely seen. (NO. Not that side...)

I am non-confrontational by nature. I was voted "Best Friend" by my 4th grade class. But if you try to dupe me or in some other way wind up on my doo-doo list, you will be rebuked. And if you try any of the above AND it involves my kids, well...you've been warned.

All they had to do was replace a knob on the back of Isaiah's pediatric wheelchair (his "extreme stroller"). The knob attaches to the screw that attaches to the bar that keeps the seat upright or reclined. And keeps it street legal for bus use. They gave us a temporary, workable solution back in the spring. Told us the part would be available in 2 weeks. That was in March. What we've experienced has been a lot of empty promises, countless minutes waiting on hold, and a serious lack of decent customer service. All I wanted was straight answers.

It wasn't all about the knob. Well, not entirely. It was about a company, who provides equipment to individuals who very often can't speak for themselves ~ clients whose very day-to-day existence depends on the care and consideration of others ~ doing the right thing.

My son can walk, but he's not a safe walker--physically or cognitively. He uses his wheelchair EVERY SINGLE DAY. He uses it on the school bus during the regular school year and more recently, during the summer session. We depend on it. If it's not 100% in any capacity, that affects us all.

You would think a business that provides those services would realize that.

And for the most part, I have found they do. We've had nothing but positive DME experiences up to this point. I know it's not an industry-wide problem. Someone dropped the ball in our particular case (the original tech who evaluated the chair and was supposed to put the order in for part is no "no longer with the company"...) But I'm not going to give them the chance to drop it again. There are too many other companies out there who take pride in what they do. Who understand our daily struggles. Who see the worth of their work and what it means to families like ours.

The rep. I dealt with did call me back to apologize. (Earlier, J and I had inadvertently slipped into our Good Cop/Bad Cop routine on speakerphone. Can you guess who I was?) I refrained from rolling my neck and sucking my teeth, but I didn't mince words. It must have worked. The part will be in by mid-week--no charge.

For all that we've been through with this company, you'd think they'd throw in a uniformed technician to push Isaiah around for us for about 4 months ~ just about the length of time we've waited for the knob.

My Name is Sharon and I'm a Geek.

2010-07-19T09:21:00.007-04:00

Believe it or not, I didn't start off as one.

I was only 5 years-old when the original Star Wars movie was released. The first time I watched it was last year. Savannah had really gotten into the animated "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" series. She informed me that in order to truly understand, the original trilogy in addition to the prequel trilogy were required viewing. We spent last summer watching, re-watching, discussing, and critiquing all 6 of Star Wars movies. I must admit, there was something cheesetastic about them. Once J got back, the girls went to work on coaxing him to the Dark Side. Their very own Mace Windu.

We were thrilled to take the kids downtown to the Star Wars in Concert event Saturday night. A live orchestra performed with a live choir. The music was from all of the Star Wars movies--which were presented in dynamic sequences. Anthony Daniels (the one and only C-3PO!) was MC. I thought the girls were going to fall out of their seats with excitement. Isaiah sat through the whole show. He loves music. And he loves lights. So yeah ~ he was feelin' it.

I have to be honest: I was expecting a "Geekfest". There were one or 2 people who didn't disappoint, but for the most part the crowd was "normal". Families, couples, singles, moms with kids, dads with kids, grandparents...everyone sharing the same appreciation. So if that makes us geeks, then I guess we were in good company.

Had to outfit Mace and the kids proper

Storming in like Troopers

Dodging the Death Star

The Force is strong with them!

Troopers and BOBA FETT

Carbonite produces killer jazz hands

The music was fantastic! Totally unforgettable night for the Brownies.

Do Fries Go with That Shake?

2010-07-16T16:57:00.007-04:00

Just when I thought it was safe to go to sleep and not awaken to news of a local earthquake...

Now, before my West Coast friends start snickering, I have to preface this post with the fact that this was the D.C. area's biggest recorded quake since they started keeping records. Not a whopper, but definitely more than a whimper at a respectable 3.6 on the Richter scale. Smaller than my first West Coast earthquake last year, but definitely the talk of the town today.

So did I feel it?

Let's just review: I spent 3 hours at the pool with the kids yesterday in 90+ degree heat. I stayed up past my bedtime glued to those baby shows. The quake hit at 5:04 am. And Zay doesn't have school on Fridays.

An actual truck or an actual train barreling through my room this morning would have barely opened one eye. A baby earthquake never stood a chance.

"I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"

2010-07-15T21:26:00.007-04:00

Really?

How does that happen? I KNOW I am not pregnant right now. And I am absolutely sure I would know if I was. I am 3 for 3 in the "I-think-I'm-pregnant-oh-look-the-test-is positive" game.

Call me a cynic, but that television show on the Discovery Health channel is either filled with mothers-to-be who have the worst cases of denial ever or it is actually possible to not know you are pregnant until the baby lands squarely in the toilet.

All women are different; each pregnancy is unique. I get that. But even if a doctor tells you or your significant other that one or both of you are unable to conceive, there are just some things you are going to notice. Like a missing period for 9 months. No matter how erratic my cycle has been the last 30+ years, I have yet to go close to a year without a period. Unless I was pregnant. Or nursing.

I could even understand missing or mistaking the first few flutters of movement. But well into the second trimester, the "it's just gas" explanation just ain't going to fly. I could see my kids' tiny elbows and knees move across my swollen belly--from the outside. How could someone not notice that?! That is not bad Chinese food, lady! Get to a doctor!

Which brings me to another point: my pregnant silhouette was unmistakable. People claimed I didn't look pregnant from the back with my first pregnancy, but there was no mistaking what was going on when you saw the front or side view. Savannah looked like a smuggled basketball shoved up my shirt. Note: that's not Savannah poking out in the picture. That is actually Isaiah at 36 weeks. Yes, polyhydramnios can turn you into a circus freak.

So I guess I have to concede that it's not unheard of deliver a baby without even knowing you're pregnant. Obviously it happens. It's not like this is Season One of this show--

Hate to cut this short, but I think my water just broke!

Too Close for Comfort

2010-07-14T09:16:00.003-04:00

Sometime during the night, someone stole my bicycle out of our carport.

I hadn't ridden it in about 7 years. Not even sure it had a chain on it. But that's not the point. No, it wasn't locked in the shed ~ we were actually going to get rid of it. But it's not like it was sitting out on the curb with a "Free to a Good Home" sign on it. It was in my carport. Just feet from the home where my children were sleeping. And that's what unnerves me.

I want to set up a sting operation, like "Bait Car". J is convinced some badbutt kids committed the theft. They must have been soaked because it stormed last night (where is that wayward bolt of lightning when you need it?!)

I'm thinking it was probably a deer. Yep, the one who ate my plants. Probably an avid reader of my blog, he saw those snarky comments I made and rode off into the night:

"Haha! You said no hooves on the hostas, but said nothing about your Huffy! Peace out, suckaaaaa!"

Joke's on him. He forgot the helmet. Who's laughing now, Bambi Boy?

Prayers for Avery

2010-07-13T07:29:00.004-04:00

Today, my thoughts and prayers are with my friend, Nicky (My Crazy Normal Life). The next 48 hours are going to be critical for her young son, Avery. Avery and his older brother, Isaiah, have a condition known as mitochondrial disease (or "mito"). It is a very unpredictable and progressive disease which very often robs parents of their children before adulthood. It is one of the conditions that Zay underwent testing. Avery's little body is fighting infection.

Avery was coded and intubated yesterday. He is resting comfortably now on the ventilator. My prayers are that Nicky and her husband will feel enveloped by the love and support from their friends and family. That God will comfort them...and give them renewed strength and wisdom.

D'oh! A deer!

2010-07-12T17:44:00.003-04:00

Just look at it sitting there. Looking all smug.

The labs from CSI aren't in yet, but I have reason to believe this is the Prime Suspect in my heinous hosta heist. It had the nerve to saunter into my backyard this morning...helping itself to green snacks along the way. When it got nice and full, that's where it plopped---right there in the sunshine.

Yeah, I get that they have been displaced by construction. Boo-hoo. But we are going to have to learn to co-exist.

If they stay away from my flowers and shrubs, I promise not to hunt without a license.

Plane-Spotting

2010-07-10T12:33:00.002-04:00

One of Savannah's favorite hobbies is plane-spotting. Good thing for her we live near one of the most popular places in America for watching planes take off and land.

Gravelly Point sits just north of Reagan National airport, which awards some ridiculously close encounters with airplanes.

Oh McDonald's! And a Farm!

2010-07-01T09:56:00.007-04:00

It seemed like the perfect day for a breakfast out and a morning spent outside. So I awakened my Sleeping Beauties with promises of McDonald's pancakes and a visit to a local farm.

My farm animals

Horsies

Peek-a-boo, barnyard style.

Zay peeking in the chicken coop

Now that's a lot of bacon, Mommy!

Eat mor chikin!

Flora v. "Fawn"a

2010-06-25T09:14:00.005-04:00

Landscaping our yard has become quite the rewarding undertaking. Several trips to Lowe's ~ painstakingly picking out just the right flora ~ and our yard is practically on par with the neighbors around us who pay for the professional work.

On one of our Lowe's runs, one plant in particular caught my eye. Not sure of the name, but the leaves were dramatic providing nice contrast and texture to my garden. To my delight, after just a couple of weeks in the garden, it started to sprout buds. Bonus! Had no idea it was a flowering plant! What a perfect photography opportunity--before the buds open and after.

So I snapped this picture a few days ago:

I watered, weeded, and spoke kind words over it in anticipation of the moment when the buds blossomed in all their glory. A moment I would capture forever with my camera.

Instead, this is what stopped me and my watering can dead in our tracks yesterday afternoon.:

Not exactly the "after" picture I was going for. Whatever plant I fell in love with was apparently nothing more than Happy Meal fodder for deer.

I wonder if Lowe's carries masking spray and B.B. guns. 'Cause yeah, it's on.

Mercy!

2010-06-21T10:28:00.006-04:00

"So if the tests come back normal, are you prepared to deal with possibility of never knowing?"

The genetic counselor asked me this question while Dr. L., the geneticist, was putting the test orders into her computer. I had bonded with her the day of Zay's never-ending appointment in May. When she asked me, I was prepared to be totally honest.

Yes.

I would be OK with not knowing exactly what caused Isaiah's disabilities. After years of testing, I have come to realize that there are just some things that are out of our control. It would be wiser for me to put my time and energy into the things I can change...the things I can influence. I am not prepared to put Isaiah through the rigors of anymore testing.

Last Friday at 11:30am, Dr. L. called with the results from the latest batch of tests. The Lesch-Nyhan test, the spectroscopy, etc...all "within normal range". No indications of any metabolic or mitochondrial disorder. No poor prognosis from a rare genetic condition.

Thank you, Jesus.

Isaiah has cysts in his brain---that we know. He has cerebral palsy and severe mental and physical handicaps. And we don't know why. We will probably never know why. What I do know is that in 6 short years, my son has taught me a lifetime of lessons.

And really, that's all I need to know.

My Swagger Wagon

2010-06-20T15:09:00.003-04:00

I don't drive a Toyota, but it's safe to say I love my Honda Odyssey as much as this make-believe family loves their Sienna.

Say what you want about minvans, they are practical, relatively good on gas, and make life with a special needs kid much easier since it is conveniently lower to the ground than an SUV. My van has some sweet bells and whistles that make driving it very often the best part of my day. Thanks in no small part to my subwoofer. Not really sure what it is, but I know what it does.

Push "play" and get your swagger on. And hey--you are still cool if you find yourself singing along.

Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal...