We Fall Down, But We Get Up

Separation. Anxiety.

By sharing My Story, I pray someone is inspired, touched, encouraged, comforted, filled with hope, and truly blessed. This isn't about "putting my business in the street" ~ it's about knowing you are not alone.


I walked into the office with an agenda. Little did I know just showing up for that appointment would save my life.

Savannah and I were meeting with her new pediatric therapist - the therapist who eventually referred Savannah to "The Team" for a full evaluation which led to her Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis. As the questions for Savannah wrapped up and the therapist's attention turned to me, I could feel dread slowly creeping up on me. As she lobbed all the obvious questions at me, I knew it would only be a matter of time before she'd hit on that one that would strike a nerve. And sure enough, it happened.

She excused Savannah to the waiting area and shut the door behind her. She handed me a box of Kleenex: Before we can deal with what's going on with Savannah, we need to deal with you. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

That's when I let go. The Super Mom facade shattered. Before I could stop myself, I had let a stranger into my dark place of emotions - opening up about my crumbling marriage, the constant and total care of Isaiah, and Savannah's recent school and social issues. The trifecta that had pushed me to the edge. "You are overwhelmed. You are depressed. You need help.", she confirmed. I wanted to kiss her. Finally - validation. I am NOT crazy OR losing my mind. God had sent me an angel. He doesn't always boom answers into our ear. Sometimes He puts people in our path just when we need them most.

Thus began my coping. When dealing with depression and anxiety, research has shown that the best results are obtained through therapy plus medication. It's been a winning recipe for me, with a healthy and reverent dose of faith and prayer. I am healing. I am happier than ever leading the life God wants for me. It is an upward spiral through the depression, with every day a little better than the one before. Not that there haven't been setbacks. But I take comfort in knowing "this too shall pass". I am not alone. I thank God for my Support System, that seems ever-expanding. I am focusing on me. The gifts God has given me. The next chapter of my life.

There's hope. As long as there is breath in your body, you have hope. Things might not turn out exactly as you might expect them - very often they turn out better than you could ever imagine.

Believe.

Cause if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Why I Kan't Kindle

I like books. Actual books. Nothing against e-readers, but there's just something about the weight of a book in my hands. Turning its paper pages.

Growing up in a home that valued reading, books weren't just decorations or props - like something in an Olan Mills photo studio circa 1976. Our very real bookshelves were bursting and we were always encouraged to "Go and sit down somewhere with a book".

I guess I'll be urging my children to "Go and sit down somewhere with a Nook".

"Ni Hao Dee-Jay"

Meet "DJ", the Chinese Dwarf Hamster and newest member of our menagerie.

Mariah fell in love at the pet store during a run on bedding and vitamin C drops for Angus. In many ways a hamster, especially an itty-bitty one, is a much easier pet than a guinea pig (except at night, as we would all soon discover...) After much discussion during a celebratory End-of-the-School-Year family dinner and promises that she would be the primary and responsible caregiver - we welcomed DJ into our family. And his 3-story townhouse.

We introduced DJ to Angus without much fanfare. They sniffed and twitched, but there would be no epic faceoff or smackdown. I think Angus was more impressed with Mariah's toy Zhu-Zhu Pet. Savannah has assumed care for Angus. And I mean she really cares for him. She feeds him by hand through through the cage bars and gives him daily attention and interaction. She shops for his treats and the other day she actually asked me if she could touch him. That is HUGE for my Asperger's child. She even trained him to stand on his hind legs. (America HAS got talent!)

We just have to help Isaiah discern the difference between DJ's exercise ball and his other toys. This, after Isaiah's hearty kick of DJ's exercise ball across the room while DJ was in it. Gooooooooooooooooooal! It's probably best to schedule the hamster's workouts after Zay's bedtime.

There is no need for an animal hoarding intervention for me at this point. But if I ever Blog from my backyard that the animals have staged a coup and won't let me back in the house, again, you will know - It. Is. Time.

Hair Raising Hosta

Last spring when I planted Patriotic Hosta in my front yard, I had no idea it was like catnip to deer. Imagine the look on my face the morning I expected it to be in full bloom only to discover it had been half chewed.

All summer, into fall, and covered in snow and ice through the winter - there it stayed. Forlorn and forgotten. I knew nothing of the species and had not idea if or when it would ever recover. And yet a few months ago - despite the mind-blowing, freakish heat and lack of rain - green leaves appeared again. I didn't hold my breath, but then the flower stems with lavender-colored buds began reaching towards the sky.

Now, this is the part of the story when the deer ruined it last year. Setting booby traps seemed a bit over the top, so I plucked some hair out of the girls' hair brush and sprinkled it around the flower bed.

It must have worked. Because almost overnight, this happened:

7th Wonder

Isaiah turned 7 today. Seven. And what a wonder he is.

When I Haven't Been Blogging...

...I've been playing with my kids. Not just "Uno" or Star Wars "Guess Who" - we're talking kickball. Volleyball. Sometimes in the same game.(In hindsight, the spontaneous match in heels after church Sunday against Mariah wasn't my brightest idea. But there's an app for that ~ called Tylenol). Even though two-thirds of the Brownies are still in school for another couple of weeks, we've gotten a jump start on Summer Goodness: basking in the warmth of the sunshine and the glow of fireflies.

I've picked up my camera and started taking pictures again. I never really stopped, but one day I realized just how much time had elapsed since I had even held the my camera. Photography brings me so much joy.

So do reading and writing. I've been a "reader" since I received my first Golden Look-Look Book. But I've recently rediscovered my first true love - with a vengeance. Currently on my nightstand: The Help, House Rules, and The Shack. I've already devoured Little Bee , but I keep it there. Well worth a re-read.

When I am able to tear myself away from the Best Sellers, I've been gardening and redecorating my house. I bought an indoor palm tree because it reminds me of my trips to Southern California and Gerber Daisies because they are so gosh darn cheerful. I'm vowing to keep the deer off of my hosta this year. It has finally rebounded from it's unauthorized "pruning" last spring.

And with the time I have left over, I've been learning how to be a joyful, appreciative, balanced, non-bitter Single Mom. It's not as easy as many parents I admire make it look. I salute you. It is absolutely not the same as being the Homefront Parent during times of deployments and other assignments that separate families - even though they helped pave the way. No, this is different. Not that all change is bad - I believe in God's promises - but it IS an adjustment.

Through it all, I continue to count my blessings. Every day brings me perspective and God's comfort. And that is definitely Blog-worthy.

14-Day Guarantee

Angus came with a 14-day "guarantee". PetSmart promised to treat him for any illness or disease and replace him if necessary if the unthinkable occurred during the 14 days following purchase.

Today is Day 14. I am relieved to report that Angus is alive, perky, and still a male. The kids are great with him - especially Savannah. Although she still refuses to touch him, she will make sure he has fresh food every morning. She also gives me behavior reports and nap updates. She cuts up kiwi for him and picks the greenest greens for him to nibble. We let him out of the cage every evening to run around in a sectioned off (courtesy of Zay's baby gate) part of the house. He wheets and "popcorns" like a parolee. Mariah supervises his recess and as a result, Angus has grown very fond of her as well. I am surprised at how the little guy has blended in so well with us. But I have to admit, Furry Pet Ownership has been an adjustment...

Recently overheard at my house:

Has anyone seen the hay?

Has anyone seen ANGUS?

But he doesn't want to wear the leash!

Guinea Pig on the loose!

Are those pellets under your bed?

I have never shopped the pet aisle at Target. I have never compared the nutritious properties of different hay. I have never debated the benefits of recycled paper bedding material over wood chips. Shockingly, I enjoy "Guinea Pig Today" as much ~ if not more than ~ "Glamour".

I have also learned:

A red-eyed guinea pig - when the light hits just right - can look possessed.



Isaiah loves Angus, but is also used to being Mommy's only "Mama's Boy"


Just holding Angus can lower my blood pressure





Angus' eyes aren't nearly as creepy with the flash turned OFF




A slumbering Guinea Pig is one of the cutest sights on Earth. Trying to get an actual picture of it is almost impossible. I guess if I my sole purpose for existing was as food for other creatures - I'd be a light sleeper too.

Stepping Up to the Challenge

My very special Olympian brought home The Gold at his school's annual Challenge Day. This year they saluted our military. Invited service members escorted the classes in the parade, demonstrated technique, and presented the medals.

Isaiah's epic event was the Ruck Sack Hike. Typically, soldiers carry 40-pound backpacks and lug equipment for the 20-mile, all-terrain hike. Zay wore a hand-weighted backpack up and down a mat ramp.


Daddy was the class' official escort




Left, right, left, right, left!



My Hero



Two awesome students presented a "Proud to be an American" tribute featuring sign language...




...which was no match for America's bravest

Run! It's Anguirus!

Mariah is a huge fan of "Godzilla". While most girls her age are watching banal Hannah Montana repeats, Mariah is busy scouring eBay for classic movies featuring her favorite Tokyo-stomper.

It's no secret my kids want a dog. I know I said I had been considering adopting a shelter dog, but realistically - I don't think it would be a good fit for us right now. The kids have done wonderfully this school year and are old enough for added responsibilities. A pet. With more personality than fish, but is less work than a dog.

Enter Anguirus.



He is the newest member of the Brownies ~ my brown Guinea Baby, if you will. He is named after a monster from the 1955 "Godzilla" movie. And yes - you can guess who named him. It's pronounced ANGER-us, but I call him "Angus". He is adorable. He has a gorgeous rusty-brown colored coat and freaky, beady red eyes. There's nothing wrong with him. His irises have no pigment and are reflecting the red of the blood vessels (so says the Internet). But still, f-r-e-a-k-y.

But he is absolutely sweet as pie.

...which he will end up in if this Pet Experiment 101 is an epic fail.

Oh the Wonderful Things My Son Can Do

Mr. Brown can moo.
Can you?
Can you go like a cow?
Can you go, "Moo Moo"?

~ Dr. Seuss

Last week was Isaiah's annual neuromuscular team evaluation. While some experts in attendance wanted to recount what he still isn't doing, I was more than happy to share news of his amazing progress.

And have a little fun with them.

When the physical therapist asked if Isaiah could jump up with both feet clearing the floor at the same time (which is something he learned from his cousins a few months ago) I suggested that the best way to get him to do it was for them to all get up and jump up and down. I knew full well that Zay would not perform on command - no matter how hard they tried...or as was the case - how high they jumped. But it tickled me beyond measure to witness this display while Isaiah stood there looking all, "WTH is wrong with you people? One word: 'decaf'."

* Isaiah can, in fact, jump up clearing both feet off the ground.

* He is also giving hugs - at will. Walk over to you, put his arms around your neck, head hugs that threaten to burst my heart.

* He can now ride his school bus without his wheelchair. I know we were going to wait until this summer, but his paraprofessional triple-teamed me with the PT and the bus aid. One day last week, the ramp never came down. My son and his aid came stepping off the bus. Shock doesn't begin to describe how I felt. But nothing was stronger than the pride.

There can be so much negativity associated with the Special Needs Universe. Comparing our kiddos to "normal" kids. Anxiety over what our kids can't do. We need to remember to celebrate the inchstones as well as the milestones.

Sometimes it's nice to put the spotlight on all the wonderful things Mr. Brown can do.

Babies Booming: Part 2

Mother's Day was a little extra special for two more of my friends. Each Mommy celebrated with a brand new baby - the most recent additions of the huge 2011 Baby Boom.

Welcome, Brooks and Camden!