Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Baby Fever

Today I found out another friend of mine is expecting. Add her to the ever-growing (no pun intended) list of friends having babies next year. I share in their elation with every announcement. And then, inexplicably, I'm startled and ashamed by my own feelings of envy.

Let's face it: I'm 38 years-old. I have not one, not two, but THREE children. Not only that, but my youngest has special needs. I've been changing his diapers for 6 years--with no end in sight.

And yet, I am not immune to Baby Fever. It's not as though I want another child. My family is complete, as far as I know. It has to be a purely "pregnancy/baby" thing. Unlike some women, I loved being pregnant. Even dealing with polyhydramnios and hospitalization, I would do it all over again.

Oh the wonder of it all. The flutter of the first movements. The pregnancy glow. The attention that belly commands. That literal bond with the unborn baby. I'll never forget the first time I heard my babies cry. I was amazed at my seemingly innate ability to identify their cries in a crowd of wailing infants.

And I'll never forget the first time I held them. With Isaiah, it happened a day after he was born(he was whisked away in the delivery room and transferred to a different hospital. I could only touch his leg through one of the portals of the transport incubator).

I remember the NICU nurse undoing his wires and handing him to me. I remember holding him gently and kissing his face over and over again....whispering into his tiny ear how much I missed him...how Mommy was here now...how he was going to be all right.

Sometimes, I find myself holding him like that all over again--his (now) long legs dangling down near mine. It's in those moments that I can't help but kiss his face like I did on that day I first held him. All over his forehead. Both cheeks. On that recessed chin. On that special place on the bridge of his nose between his wide set eyes. He tolerates it for the most part. Smiles and leans into it---anticipating. But when he's had enough, he's gone like a shot. In search of mischief and adventure like most kids his age.

I guess that's why, at least in my case, Baby Fever is so strong. In those moments, I know why I was put on this Earth.

But if there is anything close to a remedy for Baby Fever, I'd put my money on a borrowed, colicky 3 week-old.

Or a sassy 10 year-old.



Bethann said...

I agree wholeheartedly to everything you said. And you are the only person I know that, LIKE ME, loves being pregnant.

I get baby fever every time someone shares their news. And then I see the bill for diapers and wish I didn't have to get them.. LOL.

Sharon said...

Would you believe I even considered being a surrogate?! My eggs are "advanced", so it would totally be their bun in my oven, lol!

Bethann said...

LMAO.. So have I.. .. I was so disappointed not to be able to be an egg donor either because of my age.

I think we might just be crazy

Michele said...

I really enjoyed this post and can certainly identify with a temporary case (or two, or three) of baby fever.

Infants are DELICIOUS...but then again, so are the Sunday afternoon naps that I have been able to enjoy since my littles are not so little anymore :-)

Sharon said...

Napping does NOT get enough credit! ;-)