People have asked me how we can still behave like a family in light of what we are going through. The answer is simple: J and I love our children ~ much more than our own differences.
"Bolting to Baltimore"
~ March 22, 2010
Funny thing happened: we discovered we love each other more than our own differences.
Thought I had this thing all figured out. But James never left. And I never left. Enter: forgiveness, accountability, repentance, and a whole lotta manning up. Tremendous pain followed by joy and ultimately, restoration.
I wish I could take the credit, but my heart went from broken to hard as a rock. James can't take the credit, either. He was guilty of making some very poor decisions. But God has a way of humbling folks. Even the hardest heads, most rebellious spirits, the coldest hearts are no match for the love the Lord has for us. He will take a bad situation (that very often arises from our own disobedience) and use it for His glory.
What I did was release the situation to God. I released James. What God did was strip James down. His family, his health, his job--all in jeopardy. All at once. And then God showed him the amazing grace and mercy only our Heavenly Father can offer. And in that instant, James got it. He got it. And he hasn't been the same since.
It took a little longer for me to get it. God was dealing with me too. He put a mirror up to my face. Reminded me that I am human and saved by grace. Softened my heart.
Clearly, none of this happened overnight. It has been a long time in the making. This road to recovery is long and slow. But we are taking the steps. And we are getting help along the way. Seeking Godly marital counseling and asking the Lord for guidance. Spending time together and enjoying it. Talking--like never before and about things we haven't before. Actually listening to each other. And responding appropriately. Through it all, we are discovering much more about what has brought us to this season in our lives...in the life of our 14.5-year marriage. Not sure what the future holds, but I know I don't plan on living in the past.
People tend to say, "Ooh! I hope you two can get back what you once had!" I know they mean well, but I sure hope not. I don't want my old marriage.
I am enjoying the new one too much.