Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Wahine's Night Out

Saturday night I met up with some old friends and a few new ones. We met at a trendy, hip Hawaiian restaurant and bar, beautifully located right on the water. Sometimes it's nice to be a girl out on the town. Nobody under the age of 12 calling me "mommy". It felt good being with what I affectionately refer to as The Grown & Sexy.

And even though I have a child with different needs, there were still moments that made me as typical a mom as the ones I was surrounded by. We enjoyed laughs and traded stories of preteen angst. But inevitably the moment comes when I am again reminded just how different my world is from so many other moms.

A friend of a friend--an educated mom who works with children, whom I'll call "Betty"--threw around the r-bomb a few times. Made me totally uncomfortable. She had no idea at the time that I had a mentally retarded child. And I didn't want to go there. There are times when I just don't want to go there. When I just want to have a good time. Not try to educate the world.

But it is also in those moments that I feel like if I don't say something, I'm letting down Isaiah. I'm letting down my family. I'm letting down my friends with special needs kids. I'm letting down anyone who has ever cared for or loved a disabled person.

When the conversation turned, I did explain Isaiah has cerebral palsy. Betty countered that she didn't think CP had cognitive implications. So then I had to school her on the brain cysts. His developmental delays. His brain damage. Came just short of whipping out his MRI pix.

Talk about a buzz kill.

I don't typically go into social situations looking for sympathy. When people start talking up their kids, the first words out of my mouth are never "Well, my son is disabled." Because there are so many other things he is. But if I'm pressed, I'll gladly share.

At the end of 5 hours, I left feeling recharged and refreshed. I don't know if I had any influence on whether or not Betty will ever use the word "retarded" in that context again. But I would hope she'd at least think twice. Think of her friend's friend, Sharon, and her precious son, Isaiah---who is many more things than "retarded".



BLOOM - Parenting Kids With Disabilities said...

What a beautiful post. I know just how you feel about sometimes not being in the mood for "educating."

I'm so glad you did.

It's surprising to hear that someone who works with children would use that language.

Tonya said...


I, too, have a well-educated friend that uses the r word. She is in a very professional field that deals with children also.

Before having my special needs daughter, she referred to me as r a couple of times in a conversation. I had to politely tell her that I did not appreciate or like the use of that word...this was about 15 years ago. To her, it was simply a term of conversation...no mean intention or anything. But, nonetheless, I didn't like it even at that.

Who knew that a few years later, I would have a special needs child. Well, we know the good Lord knew. So, I guess He puts certain things in our hearts to be a voice to the voiceless...because He created us all and loves us...without any name calling.

Be encouraged! And know that you are not alone!


Bethann said...

Way to go Mama Bear. Sometimes people need to be educated whether they be in school or not. :)

Michele said...

A Grown & Sexy night out,

I Can only imagine how calm, poised and purposed you were in addressing "Betty". I'm so proud of you. AND you can bet that she'll be a bit more pensive in her word choice...at least when it comes to this particular subject matter.