Sunday, July 10, 2011

Separation. Anxiety.

By sharing My Story, I pray someone is inspired, touched, encouraged, comforted, filled with hope, and truly blessed. This isn't about "putting my business in the street" ~ it's about knowing you are not alone.

I walked into the office with an agenda. Little did I know just showing up for that appointment would save my life.

Savannah and I were meeting with her new pediatric therapist - the therapist who eventually referred Savannah to "The Team" for a full evaluation which led to her Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis. As the questions for Savannah wrapped up and the therapist's attention turned to me, I could feel dread slowly creeping up on me. As she lobbed all the obvious questions at me, I knew it would only be a matter of time before she'd hit on that one that would strike a nerve. And sure enough, it happened.

She excused Savannah to the waiting area and shut the door behind her. She handed me a box of Kleenex: Before we can deal with what's going on with Savannah, we need to deal with you. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

That's when I let go. The Super Mom facade shattered. Before I could stop myself, I had let a stranger into my dark place of emotions - opening up about my crumbling marriage, the constant and total care of Isaiah, and Savannah's recent school and social issues. The trifecta that had pushed me to the edge. "You are overwhelmed. You are depressed. You need help.", she confirmed. I wanted to kiss her. Finally - validation. I am NOT crazy OR losing my mind. God had sent me an angel. He doesn't always boom answers into our ear. Sometimes He puts people in our path just when we need them most.

Thus began my coping. When dealing with depression and anxiety, research has shown that the best results are obtained through therapy plus medication. It's been a winning recipe for me, with a healthy and reverent dose of faith and prayer. I am healing. I am happier than ever leading the life God wants for me. It is an upward spiral through the depression, with every day a little better than the one before. Not that there haven't been setbacks. But I take comfort in knowing "this too shall pass". I am not alone. I thank God for my Support System, that seems ever-expanding. I am focusing on me. The gifts God has given me. The next chapter of my life.

There's hope. As long as there is breath in your body, you have hope. Things might not turn out exactly as you might expect them - very often they turn out better than you could ever imagine.


Cause if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.


Gween said...

Deja Vu! I was just discussing with someone this weekend about why I blog.
It's not for attention.
For me, it's a way to release what I'm holding onto.
I write it, publish it and then it's gone.

You are not alone. And I completely understand the need to know that.

Bethann said...

Amen me dear.. Ditto what Gween said.. You are not alone. No one is super woman and no one can go it alone. Everyone needs help along the way. Only the strong ones know to ask or accept it.

Bless you my dear because you have won 1/2 the battle. :)

BLOOM - Parenting Kids With Disabilities said...

This is a beautiful and meaningful post for all parents of children with disabilities.

The demands we face are overwhelming. I don't know many parents on this journey who haven't experienced depression and been brought to their knees.

Thank goodness that therapist gave you the opening to share what you were experiencing. I agree -- there are angels who we meet on our path.

You have obviously worked very hard to get your life back. That takes so much courage. I'm so grateful that you shared your story. I too have had similar struggles.

I visit your blog from time to time and enjoy reading about your family and LOVE the photos of your kids. If you'd like to receive BLOOM, a magazine on parenting kids with disabilities, send me your snail-mail address at and I will send you a copy. Congratulations! louise

Cheryl said...

Thanks to Louise, I found this blog tonight. I have just written something similar on my own blog. I just don't know WHY we all feel that we need to be supermom. We're still human. ((HUGS))

Elizabeth said...

I am here through BLOOM and am totally sucked in by your writing, your story. I, too, have a child with severe disabilities -- for over sixteen years, actually, and know how difficult the road is. I look forward to "getting to know" you in this blogging community!

Sharon said...

Your encouragement has made my day!

So glad we can relate on some level - I appreciate you all.