I *heart* Wendy Williams

She is a hot mess. She is way over the top. And I can't get enough of her.

Wendy Williams was radio talk show host for years and I knew nothing about her--except for that one line from that Mariah Carey song, "You all up in my business like a Wendy interview..."

Then she came to daytime television. And she was like a train wreck. All larger than life--literally. Wendy is like 6 ft+ tall and loves wearing heels. I thought at first that she was a man in drag. But I couldn't look away.

Pretty soon, I was planning my outings around her programming. I didn't want to miss a minute of the messiness. The gossip is hot and topical. And she very often says exactly what I am thinking. Her honesty is refreshing. She makes no apologies for her gaudiness. She owns it--cartoonishly fake boobs, big wigs, and all.

We are total friends in my head, Wendy!

How YOU doin'? ;)

Bolting to Baltimore

The kids decided they wanted to go up to Baltimore this weekend. Since they can't drive, J and I agreed to take them.

People have asked me how we can still behave like a family in light of what we are going through. The answer is simple: J and I love our children ~ much more than our own differences. They mean the world to us and we are trying to make this transition as smooth as possible.

Trying to keep the vibe positive takes work, but it is well worth it giving our children the security and love they deserve. I literally have to bite my tongue at moments, but I know that making this harder than it has to be will change them forever. There is no reason to do that to them.

So off to the Inner Harbor we went! The weather was gorgeous--the whole place was abuzz.

Beautiful Song

This is my new favorite song. I love it.

Spring Has Sprung

Nothing says renewal more than a pseudo-spring day. After being buried under the most snowfall ever recorded in a single winter, we have thawed out...beautifully:

Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes



I call this one, "Potential"

The Blog of a Mad Black Woman

This is the part of the program when I am supposed to lose my religion. When I put my husband on blast. When I badmouth him AND his mama.

But I just can't --and not just because his mother was a saint. I can't because I said "Yes!" when he asked me to marry him. I can't because I chose him to be my children's father.

Am I disappointed in him? Totally. Am I angry at him? Absolutely. Would I love nothing more than to present him with the keys to a new Toyota Prius and a full tank of gas? Without a doubt.

I never thought I would be facing divorce in my late 30's. I never anticipated being a single mom of 3. I never anticipated being a single mom to a child with disabilities.

But instead of concentrating on what J did to me, I choose to be grateful for what he has done for me. I feel as though I am finally coming into my own. For the first time in my life, I know who I truly am. And I know what I truly want.

I never thought I would be facing a bright, new beginning in my late 30's. I never anticipated being an optimistic, blessed, single mom to 3 wonderful, well-adjusted children.

And I never anticipated getting a second chance at happiness.

Thanks, James.

First Candy

J brought these peanut M&M's from the White House to the kids the other day. Yep, that says Barack Obama.

I know I haven't shared much about J's new position. There isn't a whole lot I can disclose about what he does. In reality, there's only so much he can tell us. And I totally get that.

But it's definitely exciting and an opportunity of a lifetime.

Dribbly Dude

When we were stationed in Germany the last time, I started ordering bibs for Isaiah from a lady in England. They were called "Dribbly Dudes" and what made them unique was that they were kind of fashionable. They looked like bandannas.

They were expensive, so I learned how to make them myself once we moved back to the States. The best part was roaming around Jo-Ann's discovering the latest and cutest fabrics and designs. On a good day, I could produce up to 6 bibs. And when the seasons would change-watch out! Isaiah's teachers used to joke that they could hardly wait to see how he was going to be coordinated each day.

Drooling is a part of his condition. Partly neurological, partly physical. We've tried Botox injections in the past to help control it as a quality of life issue. Drool rash was not uncommon. Botox worked fairly well the first time, not so much the second. By the third time, I was tired of torturing him.

His neurologist would administer the injections into Isaiah's face and jaw areas. J and one other person would have to hold him down while I tried not to cry the entire time. He was fine afterward, but I just couldn't justify putting Isaiah through that every couple of months just because of some moisture.

Zay's new developmental pediatrician made note of the drool at his latest appointment and asked if we'd considered a drug called Robinul. It's something we've wanted to try. Isaiah has been on a low dose ever since. And so far, with no glaring side effects.

But the morning he wakes up looking like Spongebob on the beach, I'm cancelling any remaining refills.

It's Complicated

The relationship statuses on "Facebook" are: married, single, divorced, and the most provocative of all ~ "It's Complicated".

As of late, I am mostly "complicated". J and I have been complicated for months now. It's been a painful and sometimes slow process, but the fabric of our marriage has been unravelling. And it's not anything I had anticipated. So after 18 years of being together and 14+ married, it's been a roller coaster of emotions for me lately. With very definite stages of grief.

As I type this, I am being challenged to accept that which I cannot change. My sadness is overwhelming, but so is my faith and trust in God. He has been preparing and protecting me this entire journey. And He cares for me in a way J could never fathom. That's how I know I can get through this. God has a plan. I have prayed for the wisdom to trust His plan for my life. That His best for me will come to pass. And there's no looking back once He reveals the truth.

I've been quiet about this so I could be certain I was hearing the voice of God and not my own. So I could hear the voice of God and not the voices of my well-meaning friends and family. And now that I have clarity, I am ready to move on to what God has awaiting me.

My heart is broken, for sure, but I know there is nothing too big for God. He will place every single piercing shard in His loving hands and and make me whole once again. Not just whole, but a whole lot better than before.

In the meantime, I'll pray. And pray some more. For the continued mercy, favor, strength, and guidance He has shown me through it all. And believe it or not, I will continue to pray for James.

There is nothing complicated about God's love.

All Dolled Up

I don't consider myself one of those parents who have to religiously dress their boys in blue and girls in pink. By the way, it really bothers me when people dress their itty-bitty babies like miniature adults. Itchy, unyielding, uncomfortable outfits on infants that appeal only to their parents' silly senses is a huge pet peeve of mine.

But I digress.

Isaiah loves the kiddie show, "Ni Hao, Kai-Lan". Not only is he learning how to share and be a good friend, but the first words out of his mouth could very well be in Mandarin Chinese.

Once I find something Zay is into, I tend to go full throttle. I'm not too concerned if it's a "boy toy" or a "girl toy"--ooh! Which brings me to another pet peeve of mine. I wish the cashier at McDonald's would STOP asking me if my Happy Meals are for boys or girls. Just give me the cool toys--which happen to be Star Wars-themed this month. Just give me those.

But I digress, 2.0.

Like a typical parent, it makes me all warm and fuzzy to see my baby's face light up. And since he can't start begging for stuff the moment we walk into Target or Toys R Us (which is actually a perk), discovering what he does like is often an exercise in trial and error.

But when I saw this Kai-Lan...



...and Isaiah squealed with delight, I knew my little doll had to have that little doll.

Water Boy

Since he loves to do this...


...and this...
...and this...


...we bought him THESE:

Oh! Possum!

Tomorrow is Trash Day. But I will drown in a sea of garbage inside of this house before I go back outside to the trash bin.

Not as long as it is serving as a Critter Condo.

As she was righting the tipped over trash can this morning, my mom got a "Good Morning" jolt from what she thought was a raccoon staring back at her. I told her not to worry--I'd go outside and "take care of it". Raccoons are cute. Cuddly. Plush.

However, upon further investigation (by me, a broom, and Mariah), it was determined to be this:




*shudder*

I would have preferred the raccoon.

I tried to coax it out with a trail of grapes, a la E.T./Reese's Pieces. But clearly--if it enjoys garbage, I don't know why I thought its discerning palate would favor fresh fruit over a dirty diaper.

So as far as I know, its still in there. And the trash will be piling up by the door.

The R-Word

Retarded.

Retard.

That is so retarded!

How many of us have casually thrown around one of those terms? I'll be the first to admit it. When I catch myself tempted to use the r-word, I remember--my son is medically considered mentally retarded. How would I feel to hear taunts of "Retard! Retard! Retard!" aimed at my beautiful boy?

Because yeah. Make no mistake--it's offensive. And not just to people with mental challenges or disabilities. It's offensive to the people who love them. Who care for them. Who dream for them.

Yes, Isaiah's mental and physical growth have been clinically "retarded", but if you call him a retard, be prepared for a fight. Correction: prepare to get the beating of your life. And should you survive it, prepare to be schooled as well. There are so many other things Isaiah is. His disabilities don't define him or anyone else like him. "Retarded" relegates him to the rank of inferior, which clearly he is not.

So as the movement is on to eradicate the r-word from our daily vocabulary, maybe we can all benefit from remembering another "r-word": RESPECT.

First, I'd Like to Thank The Academy...

One cool thing about posting a public blog on The Internet is that you never really know who is reading it. Never really know who is affected by it. I'd like to thank one of my readers, Tonya, for honoring me with a Beautiful Blogger Award! She commented on how open I am on my blog.

Even if I feel as though I overshare at times, I am supposed to now share 7 things about myself.

So hold onto your hats:

1. I just recently got bitten by the photography bug. Once I received my new camera last fall, I was hooked. I hope to get good enough to make a little money off of it one day.

2. Oreo cookies and milk are part of my nightly routine.

3. I pray better out loud than I do in my head.

4. Hair pieces are my saving grace. There is very little time or energy to keep up my own hair styles--hair pieces give me freedom and versatility. Even if the rest of me looks like I just rolled out of bed.

5. I recently discovered the magic of under-eye concealer. Now my eyes can look rested after only 4 hours of sleep. Even if the rest of me looks like I just rolled out of the bed.

6. Sometimes, I really wish J and I had had a 4th child.

7. Sometimes, I want to run away from the 3 we do have.

I'm also supposed to honor 7 other "Beautiful Bloggers". But all the blogs on My Blog List are special to me. There's no way I can narrow it down to seven:

Ellen: love this blog for its honest look at life with a special needs child---and those giveaways ain't bad either!

Christy: her blog is hilarious and poignant. And her pictures are breathtaking. Can't wait to see what that new camera can do! ;)

Nicky: despite the challenges of raising 2 special needs sons (and a lovely daughter) while holding down a full-time job, her devotion to her husband and children is inspiring

Jamie: I have met Jamie and her family and they are as loving in real life as they seem on her blog. One of my favorite families.

Karen: I always look forward to updates from this beautiful, God-loving family. And I love that they successfully navigated us directly to Ghirardelli Square.

Michele: my first cousin and one of my first BFFs. We stood up in each other's weddings. We've been laughing, crying, rejoicing, and encouraging each other since we were babies.

Jennifer: my fabulous friend who transitioned from stay-home parent to working mama. Fellow fabulous mother of 3.

Maria: one crafty mama of 2 beautiful daughters. Her scrapbooking is phenomenal.

Bethann: a friend of a friend whom I am quickly considering my friend. She balances a job, a hubby, 3 kids, and a new puppy.


Thank you all for being a part of my virtual and very real worlds.