The relationship statuses on "Facebook" are: married, single, divorced, and the most provocative of all ~ "It's Complicated".
As of late, I am mostly "complicated". J and I have been complicated for months now. It's been a painful and sometimes slow process, but the fabric of our marriage has been unravelling. And it's not anything I had anticipated. So after 18 years of being together and 14+ married, it's been a roller coaster of emotions for me lately. With very definite stages of grief.
As I type this, I am being challenged to accept that which I cannot change. My sadness is overwhelming, but so is my faith and trust in God. He has been preparing and protecting me this entire journey. And He cares for me in a way J could never fathom. That's how I know I can get through this. God has a plan. I have prayed for the wisdom to trust His plan for my life. That His best for me will come to pass. And there's no looking back once He reveals the truth.
I've been quiet about this so I could be certain I was hearing the voice of God and not my own. So I could hear the voice of God and not the voices of my well-meaning friends and family. And now that I have clarity, I am ready to move on to what God has awaiting me.
My heart is broken, for sure, but I know there is nothing too big for God. He will place every single piercing shard in His loving hands and and make me whole once again. Not just whole, but a whole lot better than before.
In the meantime, I'll pray. And pray some more. For the continued mercy, favor, strength, and guidance He has shown me through it all. And believe it or not, I will continue to pray for James.
There is nothing complicated about God's love.