Monday, March 8, 2010

It's Complicated

The relationship statuses on "Facebook" are: married, single, divorced, and the most provocative of all ~ "It's Complicated".

As of late, I am mostly "complicated". J and I have been complicated for months now. It's been a painful and sometimes slow process, but the fabric of our marriage has been unravelling. And it's not anything I had anticipated. So after 18 years of being together and 14+ married, it's been a roller coaster of emotions for me lately. With very definite stages of grief.

As I type this, I am being challenged to accept that which I cannot change. My sadness is overwhelming, but so is my faith and trust in God. He has been preparing and protecting me this entire journey. And He cares for me in a way J could never fathom. That's how I know I can get through this. God has a plan. I have prayed for the wisdom to trust His plan for my life. That His best for me will come to pass. And there's no looking back once He reveals the truth.

I've been quiet about this so I could be certain I was hearing the voice of God and not my own. So I could hear the voice of God and not the voices of my well-meaning friends and family. And now that I have clarity, I am ready to move on to what God has awaiting me.

My heart is broken, for sure, but I know there is nothing too big for God. He will place every single piercing shard in His loving hands and and make me whole once again. Not just whole, but a whole lot better than before.

In the meantime, I'll pray. And pray some more. For the continued mercy, favor, strength, and guidance He has shown me through it all. And believe it or not, I will continue to pray for James.

There is nothing complicated about God's love.

7 comments:

Christy said...

Hugs to you, my friend. I am so glad that you have your faith to sustain you.

Bethann said...

**BIG HUGS** I'm so glad you have your family and friends and your faith to help you in your journey. :)

Jamie said...

You are one of the strongest people I know, Sharon. My hope for you is that this new path you're about to walk ultimately leads to the happiness you so much deserve. Know that you do have a support system out here, even though we're so far away. Hugs to you.

Guin said...

I find myself at a loss for words. (And for me that is rare!)
Of all of my on-line friends, you are one that I have looked up to.
I understand that I don't see everything that happens within someone else's home, but for some reason, I always thought of your home as a sanctuary. Perhaps it's your larger than life love for your children, the smile on their faces, or your obvious strength that made think that.
No matter what it is, I find myself sitting here in tears for you. I don't know the details, but I feel like your words convey a grief that I know all too much about.
I have no words that could ever make things better, or make sense. But if I were closer, I would offer a hug or at the very least, a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on.
And although we do no carry the same faith, I am glad that you have that to hold onto. I truly hope it brings you comfort.
I hope that when you find yourself at the end of whatever journey this 'complication' takes you on, that you can smile and bask in the light.
((HUGS))

Michele said...

My sweet, sweet cousin. No, there is nothing complicated about the love of God. The world we live in however, leaves A LOT to be desired.

I love you more than words can say and how I wish I could somehow ease the pain, make things better, fix it, anything, just anything to help.

Your faith and your witness in knowing that God has a plan for you through your tears and your hurt is an example to us all! The Bible says that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly more and far above and beyond anything than we could ever imagine or hope for! When all is said and done, you WILL come forth as pure gold.

I wish I could wrap my arms around you right now.

Heather said...

My sentiments are word for word aligned with Guin. I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. I know that not only will you and the kids be ok, but that you will be stronger for having worked through this journey. Unfortunately, that knowledge doesn't always make things easier in the here and now.

Heather (Silje's Mom)

Sharon said...

They say that during a crisis is when you find out who your true friends are. I am thankful for each and every one of you.

Thank you so much. *hugs*